Chaos Theory Epitomized

I don't like chaos... or at least I'd like to believe that to be true. Maybe I do and I'm just in denial since my life is a constant state of chaos either with work, rehearsals, practices or just plain living stuff that tends to get in the way. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that I need to change something although I'm not sure what that something actually is. My career? It's kinda in the toilet at the moment but that happens at the end of every year when I get my piece of paper saying that I am "surplus to needs." I wonder if they (being the employers) understand what it's like to be referred to as "surplus to needs"? To me that says I'm expendable. Gosh, golly thanks for that pat on the back! And what terrific timing for that pick me up - after the end of a long and hard year and on the verge of an even more unstable future. Love it.

Concert night tomorrow and this is the most behind I've ever been getting prepared. Ordinarily the program is done and printed two or three days before but nope - not this time... I just finished it and will print 'er off tomorrow.

Then there is prep for my 'regular classes' that at the moment I care so much about considering the final concert of the year and all but that still have to be done, not to mention the mountain of marking I have waiting for me to complete this weekend. Remind me again why I chose this profession? Am I a masochist or just a total idiot who is burnt out from the many sticks of dynamite I'm juggling that are waiting to go off at any moment?

What ever it is - I know the end of something is near - what the something is... that's currently a mystery to everyone, especially me.

Christmas in May

Secret Santa gifts, Christmas carol sing alongs, trivia, candy and the hokey pokey - what more could you ask for? Our stewardess for the trip was Fun Bus Girl who would roll her rubbermade cart up and down the aisle of the bus and hand out all sorts of things from candy to moist towelettes (distributed with tongs and the utmost love and care). She would periodically check in with us to make sure we were content or that we were actually singing along with the carols being played over the p.a. system and had found the corresponding carol on the sing-a-long booklet she's typed out for each of us. Our name tags were red or green sparkle felt made into mittens that were there to help us learn each other names. As one of the only three non-regular team members, it was helpful for me but as soon as the tags were gone, I was lost.

We paddled hard at the festival but we crashed... well, almost crashed but thankfully we held hard and stopped our boat in time. Considering that we still made pretty good time and were only about 5 seconds behind that same team at the finish so yay for us.

Indigo and I were helping out a breast cancer survivor team. It was particularity hilarious in the evening as we were getting ready to go to bed when one of them came up to me and asked if I wanted to hold her boob as she hands me a false breast! So funny! It was quite heavy and felt like the real thing complete with nipple. Those ladies are a blast!

T'was a simple evening... unlike yesterday

Ah summer... or at least summer-esque. A nice walk, a little rain, a cup of coffee... marvelous.

Nibski and I went to the coffee shop, got our usuals (it was new girl coffee tonight - little heavy on the flavour, yikes!) and walked. Down Ellis to the water then around the marina, the boardwalk etc. Drove to the park and walked there checking out plants and trees - then went house looking. I love house looking! I haven't done a drive by house looking in a long time so that was cool. We picked out some places for me to move into once I get a real job...

Tomorrow's going to stink - stupid band performance that I have to get up early for on my DAY OFF! Bloody stupid commitments to things I don't want to be in in the first place but have to still do as a favour to BallBoy since he's leading it and there won't be people there and ACK! Moving right along....

Last night was interesting though - the bbq with people who don't know how to leave their pets alone. People are dumb. Why... why would you kick someone else's animal, or ANY animal for that matter. Especially when you know that the animal you are kicking is just defending it's territory from your stupid animal that you insist on bringing and that the animal you are kicking was severely abused all through puppyhood!? That is the sign of a true dog person - someone who cannot leave the house without their pet and then think that everyone else should rearrange their lives around their pet. Like Likalia said - I'm not going to bring my cat to your house so please don't bring your dog to mine. My cat would be totally offended if I brought her to someone's place for dinner. "Tessie and I will be there at 6:30..." umm... no.

Don't get me wrong - dogs are great - I like dogs, I've had dogs and some year will likely have another dog, but dogs and dog people are two completely different things. I am not, nor will I ever be, a true dog person so this is why I find it extremely hard to not mock dog people when they do stupid things like bring their dog to someone's house for dinner when the invitation clearly was not for a three but for two and then they get upset when their dog is 'attacked'.

I wonder - do they try to take their dog to restaurants as well?

Lily... as in of the Valley?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

Why bother

This falls under the "why do I even bother?" category.

I found out tonight that not only did I not the job I'd applied for, I didn't even get an interview or any notification that my application had even been received. And how did I find out? From a friend who heard from a friend who was told by the person who got the job that they got the job. And, just to make it more exciting and an even bigger slap in the face - I found out over the phone, in casual conversation because he figured I must have known that if he knew. Nope.

So he back pedals... fast. "Maybe I heard wrong, or maybe they're just being optimistic...?" Right.

(@*#&

What the hell is the point anymore? I'm treading water here but am still drowning. I'm not sure why I'm bothering to stick if out in this place if I'm not even going to be given a chance. Maybe I will have to just to the 'mature' thing and leave to go... where? Nunavut? Maybe the states? I don't know.. but I think if things don't change soon I'm going to have to leave and that's really the very last thing I want to do. I'd become a fucking bar maid before I leave. This is not cool... not cool at all. The employee people really don't know what they're going to loose when they loose me... notice it's not an if... at this rate it's most certainly a when.

United 93

Saw the film tonight... really wasn't top of my list of films to see but I did anyway. There were just the three of us in the theatre at the beginning, then two guys came in and then another guy. At least we paid for the wages for the two workers. It was scary that the girl needed her calculator (or help from the manager since she couldn't find the calculator) to add $4.00 + $3.00. Slightly frightening.

The movie began and ended very abruptly. No opening ads and just a few screens of info at the end. Ballboy, Nibski and I were all a tad shaken after the film. It was really jarring recalling that day which was years ago already! I can't believe that. I think I hurt Nibski's arm... once the movie ended he said something about having to start the circulation again... Ballboy was hanging on to me just as tightly as I was to Nibski so Nibski's a WIMP!.. either that or he's totally heartless... not sure which is more likely at this point.

Anyhoo - thought it was going to be a 'meh' film but it was actually quite well done. I'd recommend it, if you like nasty, horrible, real life scary things. Considering the subject matter, it was respectfully made.

Maybe you didn't hear me... Who gets the friends?

Okay... maybe we're in a playground and I just wasn't informed. Possible but not likely considering all parties involved are well over the age of 5 and most are at least 5 times that age, some even 7 times that but whatever, not the point.

I was basically told tonight that I have to pick sides to which my counter was something along the lines of that's not going to happen b/c it's impossible. Sure, I know she screwed you over but hell - she's still my friend and I'm going to be supportive.

Scene 1: Nibski and I are on our way to the pub. We know that the parties in question are going to meet. We take our time walking S L O W L Y into the pub in hopes that it would have sorted itself out. mmmmm.... wishful thinking on our part.

Scene 2: Nibski and I witness Vi standing just outside the entrance to the pub. We stop. She turns. She starts to melt. Nibski panics sensing an emotional moment and naturally I step in to console.

Scene 3: Vi and I sit and talk through the tears of anger, annoyance, the "It's not fair"s and I let her know that Nibski and I will be fine if she and Ballboy are in the same room and only to do what she wants to do and feels comfortable with... we'll be fine!

Scene 4 (the longest be least evenful): In the pub. We drink. We eat. We talk. There are 6 of us there in total. We pay. We exit.

Scene 5: Everyone else has left, said their good-bye and good lucks to Rashy (going on trip) and Juicy(due to have baby next week) leaving Nibski, Ballboy and I in the parking lot. I'm ready to leave but have to wait for my ride. Dialogue begins and I begin to walk towards the men.

"Did YOU invite her?"
"Pardon?"

And it got bad from there. I tried to say that I wasn't going to be put in the middle of this and yes I know he was treated badly but I'm not going to not be friends with her just because I'm still friends with him.
"It it wasn't for me you wouldn't be friends with her. What do you actually talk about that doesn't have to do with work?"
Not really any of his business so I said that that wasn't true that we do talk about other things (which is true) and that I wasn't going to pick sides. It got kinda sad and scary and I was hoping that Nibski would jump in at some point to help me out... that point didn't come for a long time but he eventually tried by saying that I didn't invite her that we had come in together but that didn't seem to matter. I was in trouble and I'm not sure how to solve this one.

Apparently, I'm suppose to tell her that she needs to talk to him. But why should I? Why am I the go between? And why isn't he getting angry at Nibski or Rashy? Apparently because I'm easier to get angry with? Apparently we were his friends first and she's not suppose to have us as friends anymore... I don't like it.

I'm not sure what to do about this one except accept the fact that he was angry and upset more at her than me and take it as a compliment (though odd) that he feels comfortable enough to speak to me that way. It's true, that the people you feel the most at ease around are the ones you can really say the horrible things to b/c you know they will love you no matter what. Well, let me tell you... it still sucks... no matter how back asswards flatteringly you try to look at it. I love them both and that's the bitch of the whole situation.

My cat - the slut

My cat has a problem. She needs to go to an BPAA (Box and Paper Addicts anonymous) meeting. She can't control herself. It doesn't matter when or where of what the shape or size of the box, she has to be IN or ON it as soon as it is within her eye sight.

I suppose I don't help matters any when I present a row of shoe boxes and lids all laid out nicely for her on the floor. It didn't matter that she was lounging in front of the wood stove all content just as she was - she got up and crammed herself into a box. If my cat were a woman, she's be a whorey woman. Size doesn't matter to her, only the fact that there is a box in the room - she will pounce and have her way with it.

Stack of paper - same deal. She must be ON the papers. Not sleeping on them necessarily, just sitting will do... the more you need access to the stack of papers, the more she desire she has to be on the papers. Kinda like a really trampy girl who sees knows that you're into some guy so that means she needs to have him just so you can't. My cat's a really bitch! (And that is insulting since she most certainly is not a fan of dogs.)

Who was it that gets the friends again?

Alright, so I'm not liking this whole 'people breaking up thing,' especially when it screws with the core group of friends. There I was tonight stuck - totally stuck. Do I hang with one and not the other? Do I tell the one what the other said b/c that's really the only line of communication at this point and when you're trying to co-ordinate your appearances as social gathers (or would that be un co-ordinate when you're trying to avoid the other?) you kinda need to be able to talk. But no... I get stuck being the go between and it's bad... bad, Bad, BAD! I'm not enjoying it at all.

And what's the deal with a friend from across the country showing up in my neck of the woods - well, okay.. in my province close by like 3 hours -tops!- away - and NOT telling me! NOT TELLING ME until I basically forced her to give it up because she slipped on something she said! Grrrrrrrr. Where's a big strong man to hold when you need one?

Oh.. that's right - not with me.