Chaos Theory Epitomized

I don't like chaos... or at least I'd like to believe that to be true. Maybe I do and I'm just in denial since my life is a constant state of chaos either with work, rehearsals, practices or just plain living stuff that tends to get in the way. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that I need to change something although I'm not sure what that something actually is. My career? It's kinda in the toilet at the moment but that happens at the end of every year when I get my piece of paper saying that I am "surplus to needs." I wonder if they (being the employers) understand what it's like to be referred to as "surplus to needs"? To me that says I'm expendable. Gosh, golly thanks for that pat on the back! And what terrific timing for that pick me up - after the end of a long and hard year and on the verge of an even more unstable future. Love it.

Concert night tomorrow and this is the most behind I've ever been getting prepared. Ordinarily the program is done and printed two or three days before but nope - not this time... I just finished it and will print 'er off tomorrow.

Then there is prep for my 'regular classes' that at the moment I care so much about considering the final concert of the year and all but that still have to be done, not to mention the mountain of marking I have waiting for me to complete this weekend. Remind me again why I chose this profession? Am I a masochist or just a total idiot who is burnt out from the many sticks of dynamite I'm juggling that are waiting to go off at any moment?

What ever it is - I know the end of something is near - what the something is... that's currently a mystery to everyone, especially me.