Map of Alternate Self
In front of me I have a map of the University Campus where I'll be spending my summer but this time in rez. As I'm looking at the map, I'm thinking how I want to get there as fast as possible but the only reason I'm wanting to get out is for the sake of change. Work is almost done but it's not coming fast enough while at the same time coming too fast. I have a tonne of work to do (create finals and review packages, clean up/organize office and store rooms) but none of it actually appeals to me. Why? Because I know my time for next year has been cut significantly once again and I frankly don't want to go into my 4th year of my career back where I was in my 1st year.
This past week I was kinda a recluse - which, I believe people have every right to be when they see fit. Apparently, I was snubbing people by hiding out. I suppose I was and I'll admit, I was doing it consciously. I didn't want to see them - not because I don't like them, just because I knew that seeing them wouldn't put me in a better mood or make me want to go to work the next day, it would just be a reminder of how at this moment I'm kinda stuck in a rut and really REALLY need change.
Likalia and I started walking early in the morning this past week and that was good. I had a focus and a routine. I've kinda lost my routine. I had a fabulous routine last summer and well into the spring but ever since things have started to wind down the routine has slipped and the moral has gone with it. The routine of this week didn't involve many people besides the paddling crew and Likalia and I was good with that but the others weren't.
It's been a weaning process - a transition into the other person I am in the summer. Sure, I'm a stressed person but hell - that's nothing really new, but I do think I'm a tad different. Next September will be different. I'm dropping a lot of extra curricular stuff but at the same time picking up some others so it will turn out to be fairly even. The difference lies in the enjoyment factor which will be the biggest benefit. Maybe the other me and the present me will actually be able to unite in the same city.
This past week I was kinda a recluse - which, I believe people have every right to be when they see fit. Apparently, I was snubbing people by hiding out. I suppose I was and I'll admit, I was doing it consciously. I didn't want to see them - not because I don't like them, just because I knew that seeing them wouldn't put me in a better mood or make me want to go to work the next day, it would just be a reminder of how at this moment I'm kinda stuck in a rut and really REALLY need change.
Likalia and I started walking early in the morning this past week and that was good. I had a focus and a routine. I've kinda lost my routine. I had a fabulous routine last summer and well into the spring but ever since things have started to wind down the routine has slipped and the moral has gone with it. The routine of this week didn't involve many people besides the paddling crew and Likalia and I was good with that but the others weren't.
It's been a weaning process - a transition into the other person I am in the summer. Sure, I'm a stressed person but hell - that's nothing really new, but I do think I'm a tad different. Next September will be different. I'm dropping a lot of extra curricular stuff but at the same time picking up some others so it will turn out to be fairly even. The difference lies in the enjoyment factor which will be the biggest benefit. Maybe the other me and the present me will actually be able to unite in the same city.
posted by Maggie at
11.6.06
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