Can't sleep

It's 2:40 am and I'm awake... I don't know why, but I am. Perhaps it's the coffee I had at 8:30 but that's not unusual for me to do on a Thursday night. Could be the half of a tiger brownie? Or could it be the millions of things running through my head about school (the job) and school (the summer) ? I thinking that could be the most likely explanation.

I suppose to walk with Likalia at 6:30 tomorrow morning - well, make that this morning - and I'm wondering if I'll actually make it. I hoping because this whole being a fat blob thing is losing it's charm fast. That would be more accurate if it actually had any charm in the first place and since it didn't, that statement was totally inaccurate and has been rescinded.

Let's see. The District Retirement Party was after school today (I'm just going to say today as it it was correct) and it was a good ole networking time. I may have inadvertently screwed myself by putting two high up people together to talk about me and my teaching position next year. Do I want more time? Well, yes. But I had kinda decided or at least come to accept the plan for next year would be work on the masters and sub on my alternate days since I would only be working every second day at school. That would give me time to do what I needed to do for my thesis as well as focus on the stuff at school that I actually want to focus on. Problem now, if I'm offered more time (as I do kinda sorta want but don't because the time won't be in my area of expertise) what do I say? I've been advocating for it and now if it's offered I'll look like a complete idiot to turn it down.

So all of this is churning around in my tiny mind while at the same time I'm thinking about the final exam I'm creating. Did I cover all the learning outcomes - 95%. Did they retain any of it? 30%. Will the final be too hard or too easy? Will I have enough information to review in class today with the darlings so they don't go bouncing off the walls or each other and actually get something covered? Have I prepared enough for this? No. Will it work out in the end? Of course, it always does. Does that really factor into my frame of mind at the moment. Not on your life. All I can think about is how the veteran teachers have done such an excellent job and how I have potentially ruined the next three years of these kids lives because I didn't teach them about the French and American Revolutions and instead focused on the other BEFORE hand stuff. Which, in retrospect, maybe wasn't the best thing to do but in reality - they're not going to care one way or another and actually, they will get better information from another teacher on those topics anyway - if they choose to continue with the subject. ACK! There are too many things to think about. Too many examples of how I've 'failed' this year. To an outsider, it may not look that way but I have just barely made it through. Only three more classes to go and then THANK GOODNESS IT'S OVER!

or is it... tomorrow's meeting with the higher powers that be will let me know my future fate. More grey hairs and pounds or more peace and focus on what I want? Hell - it's a job right. What gives me the right to be picky?

It's about an hour after I first logged on and I'm still not tired. Maybe I'll start marking assignments that I have to hand back tomorrow - or maybe I'll make some review pages. Do I know how to party or what?!