Maggie's Musings

Blog Changes Home

2008-12-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

I should have posted this a long time ago.

Maggie's New Home

Shoes? Again? Really?

2008-07-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Shoes. Yup... I ended up at shoes. It really shouldn't be a shock but it's been a while since I went on an Internet quest for one thing and ended up at shoes.

It started innocently enough by comparing mattress prices but then the clicking began and I found myself looking at some of the usual suspects like Nine West, Steve Madden, and Marc Jacobs.

The chain of events:

mattress
bedding
workout wear
work wear
evening wear
shoes

Not such a crazy jump once you look at it - I suppose it's like the whole 6 degrees of separation but still... I ended up at shoes once again, and envisioning the possibilities that my wardrobe has now that I've recently created a lot of free space (in the form of 3 large bags of unwanted clothes... haven't yet done the shoes and weird other stuff).

"Go On"

2008-04-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

Even though I am a musician, I am always amazed at how music can speak such truths to so many people about so many things regardless of who they are or the situation they are - or feel that they are - in. Artist's meaning is not necessarily exactly or maybe even close to what you interpret but that doesn't matter. The music speaks to you and that's the point.

As I was driving home from a typical post gig drink, Jack Johnson's "Go On" was playing on my stereo and though I've heard it a hundred times before, something hit me tonight that literally brought tears to my eyes.

I recently met up with a lot of old friends and it was bitter sweet. I felt like I was saying a 'forever' good-bye to some but for one in particular it was especially difficult. Tonight, though he was the farthest thing from my mind, he exploded into my thoughts when this song began to play. It was if the 5 years apart hadn't existed when we were back together again and yet that time and all the unspoken things of the past were the herd of white elephants in the room with us as we watched his slide show of pictures of a recent trip with his fiancée and he sheepishly covered the shot of them kissing. Don't misunderstand, I am very happy for him - their plans are perfect for him and his life now. At one time they were perfect for me as well but weren't for him and now they aren't for me. Such is the way of my life.

It doesn't matter that "Go On" was written for/about Johnson's children, it's still a pensive love song that spoke to me more tonight than in the past 100 plays on the stereo. This will be the second song that I will forever equate with 'him' - the first? "Hurts to Love You" by the Philosopher Kings. That is a story in itself.

point?

2008-03-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

I feel that I'm missing something... something big.
I'm not a hundred percent as to what it might be but there is something really lacking in my life right now. Maybe I feel this way because it seems that time is standing still for me but for everyone else it's streaking ahead. In the past week alone I've heard of 3 new pregnancies and an 1 new engagement. Today alone I learned of 1 new car and 2 new house purchases. Everyone - except me it feels - is getting on with their lives and if being a 'grownup' where as I'm.... I'm... what the hell am I doing?
I teach which is work. I haven't a social life to speak of (which someone that doesn't know me at all so observantly pointed out to me this morning - thanks :D! ) As I was driving back from the gym today I thought how pointless my current existence is and started thinking how pointless existence is period. I mean, we're born - we grow - we work - we die. If we're anyone but me, so it seems... we'll experience happiness, explore, be challenged, love freely with reciprocation, and enjoy being in general.
I had my charts read a few weeks ago... it scared me. I don't like what's going to be and shockingly, they're so far very accurate. In short... I'm doomed to a miserable and pointless existence. Motivation gone.
the end

Feeling a little invaded...

2008-03-05T21:01:00.001-08:00

Here's the scenario... read and then give your opinion please:

I have just returned from a 3 day trip with a bus of 13-14 year olds, before which I didn't get any sleep due to preparations that took until the last minute, so you can imagine the current state of sleep deprivation I currently am experiencing.

Part of the preparations were to prepare instructions for my fill in while I was gone. In those instructions I left a suggestion of something to the effect of "if the main office doesn't have anything pressing that they need done, come back to the classroom and you can tidy the front area" I repeat "tidy the FRONT."

No where in that do I read (or would have read into) go through my desk drawers, through out things you think I don't need, rearrange/tidy my office, take personal items off my bulletin board.. oh.. and let some kids go through my stuff too.

I'm sorry, but that just seems wrong to me. Yes, I know my office wasn't eat off the floor clean and was due for a good overhaul but it's still my office and the plan was to clean it up after the mayhem of the past 2 weeks concluded. Am I out to lunch here? I feel totally violated. I happened to see the dustbin by my desk completely full of paper (which erks me because I recycle like a made woman) so I started pulling things out and found things that students had given me 5 years ago that sure, were only little scraps of paper with weird sayings on them but they had sentimental value to me! And she threw them out! Totally unimpressed...

So am I over reacting to this? I realize that she really did mean well and that she thought it would be a nice gift to me to come back and have things totally cleaned up - which is true, the front of the room is nice and tidy as I had asked - but... the office!? She even left a note saying "This stack of papers is likely garbage but I left if for you... I hope you can find everything..." and then I find things that are clearly (well, clearly to me because they were on the bulletin board up high and purposefully placed there) not intended for the dustbin IN the dustbin!

What would you do? I'm thinking I should call and thank her for her efforts but... blah blah blah...

I'm being called...

2008-03-01T01:11:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of signing up for another conducting workshop/session/camp/thingy this coming summer and am so excited about it! It's only a week long and it's about a completely different style of conducting that I've only dabbled in once or twice but I'm really, really looking forward to the experience... if I get in. Apparently, they fill up quickly so I'm hoping that they'll take my money.

I was having a fairly typical 'band geek' talk with a friend tonight and it was great to once again get a like minded perspective on techniques and philosophies and at the same time totally bash one another for our incredibly high reading on the geekitude scale. I miss that. I need that. Yup, I'm kinda sick... or just super passionate about the (dare I say it) 'craft.' I guess I can't really be all that snobbish and serious about 'the craft' if I have to put the words 'the craft' in quotation marks meaning that I'm making fun of the seriousness of 'the craft.'

*phhhhttt* whatever! Doesn't it take a total geek to make fun of total geeks in order to cancel out the geekiness of the total geekiness - OR - does it just compound the geekitude factor thus creating a never ending spiral of geekiness that inevitably leads to the demise of all geeks?

I think I need to go to bed. Reports Cards await me tomorrow... stupid administrative duties...

Just say "No" to ________

2008-02-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

I'd like to be able to learn how to do this whole "saying no" business and I thought I was actually on track for a while. I've been saying "no" to a conducting job since the summer but they've finally worn my down and I've agreed to fill in until their July 1st gig is over. I'm a moron and I know it. Please, someone slap me. Please... I need reinforcements here.

I agreed to be a mentor (laugh now) for someone's master's thesis which means I'm basically their editor and might as well be their supervisor because their supervisor is apparently content with whatever I say is good because the supervisor know nothing about music - his words, not mine. I spent 1.5 hours editing tonight instead of going to the gym like I wanted to do and now I'm starting to get anxious about all the work I need to do there and at my actual job.

Again... please, someone... anyone.... slap me.

"Thank Heaven for Little Girls" my @$$!

2008-02-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

Alan Lerner was a moron. I mean, what idiot comes up with that phrase and then had the nerve to make it into a song? Why ruin music with such an idiot comment? He obviously didn't teach a group of 12-13 year old girls.

My PE class is killing me... or trying to. Wait, a more accurate statement would be the follow quotation relayed to me by my co-worker, Mr.A.: "Mr.A, just so you know, I'm going to do everything in my power get Ms. M. fired!"

Yup. That's good times I tell ya. See, I have this "silly" idea that in PE class you should... wait for it... wait for it... PARTICIPATE!

*GASP*

I know, I know... the NERVE! But wait.. I'm even MORE unreasonable. I want them to be in proper gym strip so they don't get their regular clothes gross and stinky/muddy and wet.

*GASP GASP*

Told you I was brutal. This gaggle of five girls actively do not participate. Yes, that's what I meant, they try their damnedest to NOT participate because that's what I'm wanting them to do. I tried the whole routine of praising those who were participating, you know, catch them when they're doing something good but that just made them try other things.

The gym strip thing is stupid - I mean seriously... you want to pick a fight with me over something so lame, be my guest. You won't win. The excuse of "I don't have any money" doesn't cut it when the island you live on has a free store! But hang on, I said the wrong island name when I was suggesting it so that entitles you to pick a fight about how you wouldn't go to that store because the Island you live on has it's own and blah blah blah blah blah.

I was so done with them today that I made the ones who were literally, I'm not exaggerating here, literally standing around on the soccer field while 4 of the 9 of them on that field tried to actually play a game... I made the 5 go into the school and wait while I got an administrator to come out and deal with the stupidity. I was so done. However, I think this made it worse because as "little girls" can do, they batted their eyelashes and made me sound like a real ogre and now admin is suggesting that we have a whole class meeting because they're not getting along with me and vice versa.

ARE YOU KIDDING!? That's totally playing into their hands! We're not "getting along" because the darlings don't know how to show respect and/or not lip off and/or be prepared for class.

ARGH! Not impressed and now this is going to be haunting me all weekend. I can't believe that something so great - like the BIG CONCERT last night is being overshadowed by moronic girls. I know that I'm letting it get to me but it's really hard to not let it get to you. Give me my boys class any day - please!

Forecast: coughing with a bit of television

2008-02-09T15:49:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up with a tickle in my throat - the first sign of trouble to come. I was feeling all smug that I haven't been afflicted by whatever virus is making the rounds at work these days and now.. NOW when the busy season of work begins I'm getting it too. GRRR!

I still went to the gym today though and did 60 minutes of cardio without coughing so I was pleased with that. I felt totally guilty after not going to the gym last night and instead ate chocolate and licorice with Likalia as we watched movies. Okay... I ate most of the bad food, she had popcorn.

Now what to do with the rest of the day is the questions. I have essays to mark (thrilling) and then there is the watching TV option. mmmm.... I wonder which I will choose?

Personal Trainer Session #1

2008-02-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

AWESOME NIGHT! It was great! This was the first of 12 sessions. I had the one shot deal and since then have signed up for 12 more and I'm so excited. At first, when I signed up, the girls at the desk were saying "That's so EXCITING!" and I was laughing at them thinking "what is this so exciting?" Now I get it! It is exciting! My trainer is terrific. We're both ultra driven and really focused which is perfect. Who... me competitive? ;)

We really did a lot of isolated weight training tonight which was a change from the first routine she set for me. I'm going to alternate between the two. The first is more core oriented and all over work so that's good. I'm REALLY EXCITED about this! I think it's going to be great. Yes, it's an expense and kinda extravagant but... yes, it's clique.. I'm worth it!

I also found out today that the work scenario has once again changed for next year and I'm thinking more and more seriously about how the 'forced move' (aka permanent lay-off) is going to be a good thing. I think the 5 years of beating my head against the wall should have been a sign but I'm also quite stubborn (again... who me? never!). I'll find out soon enough what the lo-down turns out to be. Until then I'll rip it up at the gym and feel good about something I can control instead of feeling crappy about all the things at work that I can't control.

:D

Weekend Warrior

2008-02-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

Okay... slight exaggeration. I wasn't a warrior but I felt like I accomplished a lot fitness wise.

Saturday was fantabulous! A crew of people headed up the mountain to participate in the snowshoe & fondue evening. Brilliant! There were about 25 which included our crew of 6 (check out Likalia's page for more info). I was excited about my new snow pants - silly but true. She and I had gone shopping in the morning and after much disappointment finally found a pair that not only matched my jacket but fit too. They fit better when I didn't have 3 layers on under them but still - they were good! It's amazing how a medium and a large in some items are light years apart. There were moments when Likalia just laughed at me when I opened the dressing room door because I was either drowning in a pool of snow gear or having to suck in so much I would have keeled over if I'd taken a step.

Anyhoo... the actually snowshoeing thing rocked. I loved it and it was a terrific workout. Much different than the last time I'd been snowshoeing almost 2 decades ago (can you believe I can say that!?). Those shoes were traditional garb where as the ones we had on Saturday were super duper high tech. Loved it! Did I mention that? The fondue dinner kicked butt as well though there was surprisingly too much food to eat it all.

Today I rocked it at the gym. I had a personal trainer session earlier in the week and she'd told me to try the 20-20-20. "The what?" It's when you do 20 minutes of cardio on 3 different machines without breaks and keep your heart rate at a constant level. She initially recommended I do this once a week but after seeing the puzzled and totally disappointed look on my face said, "or you can do this 2-3 times a week because you have a lot of energy." Thank goodness! So I tried it out today and for the first time in... well, a long time... I was dripping with sweat by the end but was totally pumped as well. I wasn't at all winded and just felt wonderful! YAY! I'm proud of me! :D Still, no huge change in the actual weight - still trying to shed that 5 I put on this fall (grrrr..) 2 more to go and I'm back to August again so that's good.

It's for you...

2008-01-26T14:57:00.000-08:00

Weirdest experiences happen in the most normal of places sometimes.

Last weekend a friend and I were in Safeway at the checkout when the phone rang, not mine but the one behind the till. The cashier got kinda quiet, said "umm...." into the receiver and then "okay..." which wasn't odd in the least; but then she turned and looked at me with a slightly disturbed look on her face, held the phone out to me and said, "It's for you."

what?

My friend and looked at each other and all I could think was "what did I do? I must have done something wrong."

The cashier told me to come around to her side of the till and take the phone, which I did with some hesitation. Was this a prank? What the hell was going on?

"Hello?"

"Hi Maggie," the phone said.

"Hello?" I replied totally freaked out.

"Look to your left," the voice commanded but in a cheerful way.

I obeyed the phone but didn't know what I was looking for, I mean, who was this and why were they calling me on a Safeway cashier phone in a town that only a handful of people (mostly my family) knew I was in?

"It's [well, let's call her...] Elizabeth. How are you?"

I'm scanning the sea of people to my left and see an arm waving frantically but still I'm not sure who this is even with the name. I know about five people with that same name but the voice totally escapes me. I'm still feeling totally freaked out by the situation and who wouldn't be? So I try to figure it out in a polite but more effective manner.

"Elizabeth?"

"Ya! Elizabeth Huang!" she says totally excited which was really kinda strange.

I still can't see you very clearly," I say, "Wave again." She does. "Oh! I see you now, I'll come over and say hi once I'm done here."

I eventually figure out why I know this person and it's all good. My friend was as freaked out as I was at the initial "It's for you" because that doesn't happen! We went over and exchanged the normal information that happens when you haven't seen someone in almost a decade. Still, it totally was a weird of encounters in a normal location.

Rejuvenation Achieved

2008-01-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

Without even knowing it was going to happen, I took a trip down memory lane this weekend. I travelled back to my undergrad and grad days, my first standard transmission experience, and the good/bad/ugly high school times. It was wonderful.

I went to a saxophone concert with someone I'd met hours before as they were learning to drive a standard transmission on a rented car. Odd but interesting experience that will never happen again. I got in some pro networking after the concert so that was (or could be) a really good thing for the future.

Out for beer later with a friend from high school in a grad memory filled pub and we reminisced and solved all our problems in under 3 hours because we're that brilliant. Just ask us... we'll tell you how brilliant we are.

Shopping therapy proved to be more fruitful than initially anticipated. My new favourite colour is apparently purple though I would have bought a shirt in emerald green if they'd only had it in the right size. Serves me right for finding the only one in the whole store and falling in love with it, trying it on, then wondering why it's really snug and THEN looking at the size. But now I know I can squeeeeeeze into a 6... that will never happen again!

Twas an excellent escape. I slept so soundly last night that I was refreshed by 8 a.m.! That's never going to happen again this week either.

I do hope the rejuvenation happens again at some point but hopefully I won't need it for a while.

Pssst! Have you heard.....?

2008-01-17T22:20:00.000-08:00

Rumors. BAH! I'm tired of them. Tired I say!

I was at workshop today and all the buzz in the down time was rumors about how things are changing next year and who's going where and blah blah blah blah blah...

I removed myself from that corner of the room and sat at a table, but that table was spinning the same tales so I moved to another table that was also heavily engaged in pointless speculation. grrrrrr...

I thought for sure I'd be safe at the gym. Nope. After the usual cardio routine (which is getting too easy so I think I need to change it up a bit), I tried out an All-Abs-for-30-minutes-Class-of-Torture (really quite good and thoroughly enjoyable.. once it ended) but the discussion before the class was the same! ACK! You'd think that there would be more to talk about and do with your time than gossip. And you'd think that maybe every waking hour is maybe enough even if gossip is your cup of tea.

Well, I'm not part of it. I mean, of course I can't totally remove myself from the situation but I'm not going to be a perpetrator of the gossip. Everyone is already tense 24/7 and this rumor mill is only making it worse. For my own mental health, if no one else's, I'm going to disengage from the conversations. End of story.

Bonding with the Boys

2008-01-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

Gotta love how stupid things from years ago come in handy at the strangest times.

The boys were... well, themselves today in class and this one kid was particularly goofy. That's his thing, that's what he does but today was funny because he just started saying "TROGDOR!" under his breath thinking I'd flip and not have a clue what he was saying. I just calmly requested that he talk about Trogdor, Strongbad, and Homestar Runner at some other time since "The Use of Child Labour during the Industrial Revolution" was our present topic, not S shaped dragons.

He was totally shocked but then thought it was super cool when I relayed the story of a friend of mine who had "TROGDOR!" theme music as his cell phone ring tone.

Kid was good for the rest of class.
:)

Check this out!

Centennial Post

2008-01-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

I have a confession... it doesn't take much for me to get addicted to something and that new something is the gym. This has happened before so I suppose I'm more of a binge addict - go hard for a while then stop. I'm hoping that this is an addiction I can keep.

I didn't go today and it felt weird. I did, however, go out on the dragon boat which I haven't done in over a year so at least there was a tiny bit of exercise today. We were only out for a while because the waves were really choppy and the wind was getting stronger by the minute. There are parts I miss and then there are the parts I really could do without.

I can do without the clammy feeling you get after paddling in the wet and cold. I could also do without the constant questions about work since I'm trying to avoid all talk about work except while there. Sure, they could have been asking me about work because they haven't seen me in a while but it really wouldn't have mattered if I'd been there the week before or I'd seen them 24hours before - the questions would still be there and that I can most certainly do without. Sure, they mean well blah, blah, blah but I'd forgotten how frustrating it is to answer the "How's everything at work?" question without lying, without telling, and without being downright rude in shutting down the topic completely.

I miss conversing with people who have different jobs, being on the water, and the repetitiveness of the stroke, stroke, stroke.. it's oddly soothing in a 'my muscles are burning' kinda way.

Not much of a 100th post but there she be. Maybe it won't take me 2 years to get another 100.

If it's true that...

2008-01-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

being healthy is 20% exercise and 80% nutrition, then I must be a giant licorice nib on a treadmill.

Idiot!

I'm not kidding! I am an idiot. I did thee stupidest thing tonight. I went to the gym as per normal then came home and ate half a bag of nibs, all the while thinking "stop eating these, you know you don't really want to eat them, they're just there and so you want to eat them. Go get some water, you're really just thirsty. Stop eating them you idiot." Periodically, I'd put them away only to go and get them again because, let's face it - any licorice type object is not safe in my presence as I noted on Likalia's page today.

Tomorrow is our first "Biggest Loser" weigh in and I will now be adding to my poundage about a pound of nibs! GROSS! Well... maybe not a pound but half a pound. Ugh. It's disgusting, truly. Here I was, feeling all good about the fact that I've been sooooo good about going to gym everyday and working out harder and longer and then WHAM! I eat a tonne of nibs.

It's done now. We'll see what the damage is tomorrow. On the plus side - I'll have an excuse to stay longer at the gym which is totally excellent! Yay!

Staff Room Happenings

2008-01-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

Back to work today. We had our usual joyous Monday morning meeting with the news of things to come in the week and general announcements about big picture things. Then there was the list of people who would be away for good portions of the month or the entire month - 2 operations, 1 illness, and 1 with a deceased parent. I suppose there is no 'good' way to announce these things to the staff but it was yet another slap in the face to make you realize that yes indeed, you are back and you are working here. I know a lot of other teachers and our staff has had an extraordinary amount of bad karma this year. Are we all bad people or does it just seem that the forces of nature are against us more than others? Focusing on negatives isn't positive (how's that for a statement!) but since the 'good news' items are so rare at work this year it, it's easier to recall the one of the many not so good ones.

But it's not all disheartening, there were some good things that happened or were discussed in that room today.

The hockey pool is still going and it's trading time! Last year I won $150-200 (can't remember exactly). This year I started at the bottom of the pack and am making my way up to the top - but I doubt that's going to happen. There is apparently a prize for the loser this year so maybe I should go that way. I know nothing about hockey so I'm not sure if I'll make some trades or just keep the same draft as I started with in the beginning. That was my strategy last year; mind you, I was already winning by a considerable lead at this point last year... mmm. Big decision - I know.

I actually got to have lunch in the staff room today and it was good! Usually it's the old boys club which we girls usually infiltrate but today I got to sit with 3 other women and talk about - what else but men! Two married women and two single women discussing the fine and finer points about men in general and men we know. A good and/or therapeutic time was had by all. :D

A colleague suggested that we have a staff "Biggest Loser" contest. LOL! I love it! There are about 8 of us in the game and we each pay $5.00. We weigh in each Friday and the one who looses the most weight by the end of 6 weeks gets the cash. It should be interesting. I think we're doing a weigh in tomorrow to set our starting point *groan*. At least now I'm accountable to someone other than myself in this get fit plan... plus - there's a cash prize! Yee haa! I'll keep you posted on my at work gambling habits.

Visions of Cockroaches Dance in My Head

2008-01-04T11:40:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking that I must have eaten something really weird yesterday when I wasn't paying attention because I had the most screwed up dream.

Likalia and I were staying in a city visiting friends though I don't know who they were or in which city this took place. Our arranged sleeping quarters were in someone else's 'apartment' and I use that term loosely because it was just a largish room with a three beds, a table, sink, counter, old fridge and a lot of dusk and darkness.

Likalia decided that she could NOT, under any circumstances, stay in this place because a) we didn't know whose place it was even though our friends said it was okay, and b) the bed she was going to sleep on was too hard. So get this: instead of sleeping on the 'too hard' bed, she sleeps on the floor in our friends 'apartment' (again - I use the term loosely as it too was nothing but a room only it didn't have a lot of beds but a lot of floor space where they all slept instead - go figure). I was going to sleep in the mystery tenants room on the bed that I figured was the least likely to be the owner's.

This bed had a little platform like dealy under the mattress - it was more like a really large table with a shelf under the mattress. I chose this bed simple because it was the least disgusting of the choices (including the one belonging to the tenant) and even though the entire shelf was covered in cockroaches. I know! But at least they were dead right? Apparently they were sleeping too and as I got onto the bed they started to move. So, as I lay there paralyzed with fear that I was soon to become a cockroach playground, all I could think about was that Likalia and the others were sleeping on the floor in the next room and how stupid they were for doing that when I had a comfortable bed.

Time to get all psycho babble - what is this saying? Even if your circumstances are comfortable, there is always something lurking below the surface? The proverbially monster under the bed in cockroach form?

Oh - the tenant came home later that evening and didn't bat an eye that I was in her apartment. It was someone from high school that was about 3 years ahead of me and I never hung out with - ever. The mind digs up some odd stuff.

Resolutions

2007-12-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

"I resolve to stop eating sweets, loose 50 pounds, exercise every day, quit smoking, stop drinking, get promoted/a raise at work..."

We've all heard these type of resolutions and they bore me. Completely unrealistic but good intentioned, it is obvious that these drastic changes are not going to stick for more than the first week - at the very most. So why make them? or should the question be why do resolutions 'need' to be drastic? It seems that the more lofty your resolve the better it is.

The past couple of years I've had the same general "loose weight = find a date" resolution with an obvious lack of success because my focus was off. I didn't actually change anything I was doing but was hoping for some magic spell to make the weight go *POOF*!

So I did a typical thing - I joined a gym. WAIT! I know, I know.. you're thinking: "What's so profound about that!?" The difference is that I've built it into my routine, and am not looking at it as just a weight loss goal but a mental health goal. Having hit my personal rock bottom recently (like 3 days ago recent). I think that burning off stress is a good idea and if I do (please dear Lord let it happen) loose weight in the process - YAY! If not, maybe I'll be in a better mental state by the summer.

I can't control the job thing until the spring so there isn't really any point in stressing about it - even though I will. I'm not totally blind to my constant "ball of stress" vibe. Once the volcano erupts and the lava starts to solidify (this will not be your typical dust settling shake up guaranteed!), I know I have to make some tough decisions. But for now - the little think of zoning out at the gym is what I will do. My overriding resolution is take care of me. For those of you who do know me, that is actually a huge resolution.

p.s. I don't smoke and the drinking (aka glass of beer every Tuesday night) will still continue, and 50 pounds is NOT the goal at all... 30 would be nice but 20 is more realistic... hell, I'll settle for TEN!

p.p.s. Have a Healthy New Year - whatever 'healthy' means to you!

Fragile = sales

2007-12-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

I was given a free pass to a gym recently and I have been going regularly, as in almost every day - I think I've missed 2 days in two weeks so that's pretty good (if I can keep it up).

With this free pass came an option that within your first 3 visits, if you decide to join you didn't have to pay the $99 membership fee just the monthly fee. After 2 sessions I had decided that if I were to join a gym it would be this one since it's on my route to/from work. I didn't realize that with it came this 'free' body sumthin sumthin assessment that tells you "exactly" (notice the quotation marks) how fit you are or are not. I was happy that the trainer I got wasn't one of the perky little girls at the desk but someone who was mature and seemed fairly with it.

The perky girl at the desk greeted me with her usual "HI! How are you!" then quickly followed with "Are you excited for your assessment today!?" To which I retorted, "I'm not sure if excited would be the word." "Well you SHOULD BE! It's a great tool! blah blah blah...." I had tuned her out after that.

The assessment was a series of questions about how I eat, what I eat, when I eat, how many times I eat. Then they weight you (I was a shocking 3 pounds heavier than expected - ha!) and test your flexibility but sitting you on a mat and getting you to reach past your toes. Then the spiffy computer spits out it's evaluation of you stating your body age vs. your chronological age (a word which trainer lady couldn't say) and how you could change your body age. It also makes a darling little coloured graph - all of which did not impress me in the least. I'm apparently 30 years old but could be 21 years old if I exercised and weight trained. I'm 28 now. That's really not that bad. I was expecting to be 60 or something.

So that's all fine and good I figure.. then the flow charts came out. On these flow charts were fitness packages with $$$$$ attached and she tried - valiantly I might add - for about 20 minutes to sell me things. She wasn't successful in the selling department but she was successful in the 'making me feel like an ass and wasting my time being there minus a trainer' department. She said I'm to do cardio only after I do weights, and that's only if I have to do them on the same day. That's backwards from what I normally do so I thought - maybe she's right... maybe I do need a trainer, but only if I win a lotto!

I went to work out after and it was the worst workout yet because I was doubting everything I was doing! I did weights first and then cardio. The cardio was the longest 30 minutes ever! Last time I did 50 and it was a breeze but due to the low confidence it was brutal!

I suppose that that is how they make their money and she stated that that is how gyms do it. They push the personal trainer thing and by 'assessing' you and have a computer say that you are _________then it MUST be true! You MUST need a trainer. I think I'll stick to my magazines and try some new machines once in a while but I'll save my money for a new work out outfit thanks.

Define "Classic"

2007-12-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

Shopping with Likalia today, I mused about how the word classic now seems to mean low tech.

The trigger was the board game Taboo that just a couple of weeks ago we had played with friends who had all commented on how great it was that it didn't need major electronics, just cards and if you really want to make annoying buzzing sounds, some batteries. Now, Taboo has become new and improved and includes a DVD and two buzzer like remote control things. I didn't spend much time looking at it once I read that there was a DVD involved. What ever happened to 'classic' Taboo?

I was reading in my Shape magazine's holiday gift guide and I found this caption "in the age of Blackberries, the "blah blah blah notes and diary organizer" is a classic choice." There's that word again! CLASSIC!

Does that mean that Classical music is non-electronic? I suppose that's accurate. What about a classic look for an outfit? Or does classic simply mean basic or timeless? Meh... who cares right? I just want a board game that doesn't need a DVD player.

December 3rd Horror-scope

2007-12-03T23:05:00.000-08:00

Really now... these things are starting to freak me out just a little bit here...

A coworker can suddenly become your best friend today by demonstrating a better way to get the job done. A well-balanced approach to your job can assure improved results and a more enjoyable way of reaching your goals. But you need to be open to more than just listening. Take to heart what's being offered now.

By Rick Levine

November 30th Horror-scope

2007-11-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

I read this at the end of the day and found it to be quite ironic given the events of the day and my current state of mind. It's sorta odd how these things have been so accurate this week...

Your harsh judgments about yourself may come to the surface today, but you might not be clear as to the underlying reason. You think that you won't get what you want, but you probably cannot see the big picture. You must wait until the current situation plays through. Although your actions may not have much impact now, everything can change in just a few days.

By Rick Levine

Wanted: New Lease on Life

2007-11-25T23:50:00.000-08:00

I've just finished a really long haul of working both during actual work time and a lot of extra curricular obligations, and now I feel lost. I'm not sure what to do with my time. It's not like there isn't a long list of things I need to be doing, it's just that that long list isn't very enticing: cleaning, sorting, organizing. The problem is that I have this other list of things I want to be doing but know I don't have enough time to do them well enough for my liking.

I was having a conversation with a colleague this weekend about how I'm thinking about starting a new project. He told me I shouldn't because I'm doing too much as it is. I didn't like that. I hear that from people all the time but I disagree because the stuff that I'm doing isn't something I love. I don't count the 'job' as something I'm doing - I count that as something I'm surviving. If it were conducting, or research, or something, I'd be all for it but I'm not doing that stuff. I'm banging my head against the wall preparing for classes that I don't want to be dealing with and am in constant survival mode.

So how do I stop? I've been told time and time again that I'm a workaholic and I don't think that's true. I can do nothing and have for most of today. I am the biggest procrastinator I know. How do I start to like my job again and feel fulfilled in my work? Sometimes I feel the actual teaching part gets in the way of all the things I'd like to be doing with my job - how warped is that? Other times it's the other way but not as often. But hang on, maybe I'm confusing teaching with classroom management and discipline. I think that may be it. I'm burning out and fast due to the lack of discipline in the classes.

I'd like to think I've very good at classroom management, but I'm also thinking that I'm stagnating in my actual teaching abilities which is leading to bored students which in turn are disruptive. So then I get frustrated with my job and want to be doing something else. I can't be good at my job if I don't research things and prepare but I don't have time to research and prepare if I'm involved in job and extra curricular things. Then again, if all I do is continue to work like I am, I will be one of the many teachers that burn out after their fifth year. I don't want to be a statistic. I need a vacation.

Continued Obsession

2007-11-19T23:52:00.000-08:00

I'm suppose to be sleeping but I'm surfing the web instead. I'm suppose to be doing a lot of work but I'm dreaming about other work I'd like to be doing.

I'm obsessed with the notion of travelling to a conducting camp/workshop/symposium/something and more specifically one in a far off land that would cost me buckets of money and likely a lot of stress. The past... um.... 40 minutes I've spent researching everything I could about this camp from location to organizers. Then I obsessed about the money and thought there must be something in North America I could go to instead, found a whole bunch of other things I'd never heard of before, got overwhelmed and logged onto blogger. *Sigh*

I was reading the various repertoire lists from these camps and though one of the following: "yup - I could do that," "what the hell is that?", or "ooo - tough but good."

Then I obsessed over the organizers of these 'new' camps. I don't want to go somewhere and feel like I'm wasting my time but then again - who the hell am I to say I know everything? These are the people who are "THEE PEOPLE" (so I'm told), therefore I'm likely to get something out.

Now to stop talking about it and actually do it.

This is a test

2007-11-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

Part I - the background

I wrote a bunch of things down a bit ago in order to organize my thoughts. While I was writing, my initially sporadic ideas because very organized, almost - and yes, this sounds weird, almost poetic. I haven't written in a very long time and no one, other than me, has ever read my writing.

I use to write a lot. I use to write everything that happened to me and to those around me and it was in a more narrative style - like a raging teen aged rant more than anything. It's been close to 5.. maybe 8 years since I've actually written something that I have never intended anyone to read. My current writing habits are extremely academic and not at all containing any truly personal insight about a topic.

This was a totally different experience. To use a poetry term, it was free verse initially and then morphed into a dialogue or sorts that never lead to anywhere, it just was. What was also weird, was the form the writing took - I'm talking the actual 'what it looked like' on the paper. It was like lines of writing on a blank piece of paper but if you looked at it from far away, it looked like the lines of words were woven in a sort of checkerboard pattern. This just came out of necessity as I was running out of room but not things to say and I needed to keep writing. I never thought I'd say that - "needed to keep writing."

Part II - the question
Do you think that writing for the explicit intent of personal expression is as valuable as creating for an audience?

are you "ON" today?

2007-10-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

We all know them, the people who are 'on' or not depending upon the situation and people surrounding them, but why is it that when they are 'on' they are irritating to us but really charismatic to the others?

Is it just that we know the real person and can see through the act or is that act merely an additional part of their personality that they feel need only be brought out under certain circumstances? Having been accused of being an 'on' person at times I can relate to the reasons why people do it. I will admit that I'm trying to hide certain aspects of myself from the people who really don't know me well and by being 'on' they don't have a chance to see the true me. On the other hand, that 'on' person is still a part of my character and I'll only bring her out under certain circumstances and hopefully those people who do know me understand.

From my observations and personal understanding - the 'on' self doesn't surface unless found in a situation that is either stressful, unusual, or in my case - work related. There is something to be said for the adage "what you see is what you get" and generally, I find most people to be true to that statement; however, there are times one needs to be guarded and the 'on' self is the perfect front. The 'on' self has the ability to engage people in polite conversation and make them feel comfortable by only revealing parts of itself that appear personal. These tidbits are, of course, carefully calculated and really don't mean all that much to the real person the 'on' self is masking.

I said earlier that I have been accused of being an 'on' person and I used that verb knowingly. It does feel like an accusation - an attack of sorts because when you are 'on' you are somewhat aware of this fact but have consciously chosen to be so due to the circumstances - at least that my reasoning. Though it is understandable to be irritated when someone you know really well is putting on a front (I've been there too), if those people truly know you, they know that that is a part of your character - flaw or not.

So - are you 'on' today?

S M R T

2007-08-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'll be the first to admit that patience is a virtue that I have little of at the moment.

What am I saying? I rarely have patience at all! The list of things (well, people) I patient for is short - students, old people... but there are still conditions: are they really challenged or just acting like it and being lazy? are they wearing a hat while driving 30km under the speed limit?

I'd like to think that I'm a caring individual but really, and those that know me well know this to be true - I'm a snob. I pass judgment on people quickly, but the problem is that I have rarely been proven incorrect about my initial judgment which leads me to hanging onto those opinions long after I should have just been a 'nice' person and let them go.

Case in point: Subway - 1 week ago.

Bella and I had ordered soup with our sandwich. The 'artist' had said that that soup/sandwich combo drops the price of the soup by a dollar (which is what the sign said that she was pointing to when she told us this). Get to the till and apparently that rule doesn't apply anymore. I'm sorry - you're an idiot! You just said one thing and then are confused about your answer a mere minute later? So Bella pointed out that in fact, the sign says... I really enjoyed the part when Bella told the 'artist' to read the sign he had pointed out to us in the first place. Awesome.

So we're sitting there eat our dollar soup and watching the three artists gather around the
till and then this arm shoots straight up out of the huddle and points at us, waves, and drops back into the huddle.

Bella and I look at each other, look at the counter, look at each other and roll our eyes and make yet another remark about the required skills to be a manager of this particular subway.

The problem was that they had just noticed that the interac was displaying "transaction not complete" which I had seen while I was paying with cash - as had Bella. They were sure it had to have been one of us that had ripped them off but as we refilled our fountain drinks illegally we assured the artists that in fact we had paid with cash.

That is just one of the many cases of stupidity I've encountered this summer that has made me realize how impatient and snobby I am.

As for right now - I'm impatient because I'm waiting for my editing to be FINISHED but I have to hand it into my final reader who requested it for this weekend. It's been ready since Friday night but he's not getting back to me. I have stuff to do other than have a forced holiday.

Sure, sure... I need to relax, de-stress, and all that other nonsense but I cannot do that when I know I have a whole pile of other stuff looming over my head next week and for the following 1o months. I have never been this unprepared. *sigh* Even though the forced holiday is almost done - I'm hoping - I still can't truly enjoy it because me head is still whirring. Stupid brain. Dang.

To caf or not to caf, that is the question

2007-08-11T22:41:00.001-07:00

...Caffeinate that is...(that's not even a verb... meh)

Tweek just posted after a long hiatus and I might as well do the same - with the same topic: coffee.

I never drank coffee, of any variety, until I was in university; however this isn't the typical get hooked on coffee due to late nights of essay writing and cramming for exams. I got hooked on coffee during the summer months when Indigo Eve and I would go for marathon "coffee walks" after work. Our coffee was more of a dessert than a coffee: Tall Hazelnut Mocha - with the whipped cream and the chocolate syrup and the chocolate sugar power and the chocolate covered coffee bean on top of the mountain of whipped cream that you'd have to eat super fast before it sunk to the bottom. I'm sure that there was some espresso in there but it was more the sugar we were after and the coffee bit was a nice flavour.

Then I became somewhat calorie conscious, only somewhat. I started experimenting. First it was the skim milk instead of 2%. Then it was the sugar free hazelnut, and if the barista asked if I wanted the chocolate sugar free I'd go for that as well. Then I took the biggest step - no whip, just foam. *gasp* Suddenly, this was no longer a dessert in a cup but it was getting to be more like coffee.

Undergrad came and went and the dessert coffee's became a fleeting summer time romance that were slowly being replaced the current favourite: "tall, non-fat, no whip, sugar-free hazelnut mocha" or, if I'm in my usual coffee shop "the usual."

But here's the caffeine experience that leads me to the crux of this post. During my grad studies I was given a regular coffee one night by classmates. They had gone to the coffee shop for a break but I couldn't afford the time so I stayed behind. Unbeknown to then, while they were gone I had made and consumed a super caffeinated "usual" and got back to working. So when this coffee arrived - black, sugarless, and delivered with good intentions - I had to drink it. It tasted pretty horrible so I doctored it up a bit and drank it and no word of a lie, I could no longer work. My brain was so saturated with caffeine that synapses were going off like fireworks in my head but not connecting to anything. My eyes could not focus and I couldn't sit still. It was freaking me out man! I was trippin' on coffee!

I had tried plain old coffee before and hated it. Too bitter. But I thought that was just my underdeveloped palette rejecting new things. Apparently, it was my brain trying to communicate with me through my taste buds to tell me that I don't mix well with caffeine and to only drink it when masked by other favours.

I've realized that the favour of a mocha is excellent caffeinated or not therefore if I know I need to sleep, I'll ask for decaf and hope the barista actually remembers to use the right beans. I find that they generally forget the mocha part and serve me a latte instead, which is fine but still... not what I ordered. I have learned that I can still sleep when I have caffeine in my system because if I'm so tired that I'm drinking more than one mocha a day, my brain and body will override the caffeine and I'll crash anyway.

Kinda like right now... I've been running on only a few hours of sleep the past 2 days and have had many a coffee. That doesn't seem to matter at this point because I'm about fall asleep.

Tweek: I win. The time line between posts was longer on my blog than yours. It's like the race that never actually starts because neither person wants to get there first but you must have twitched over the starting line when in a caffeine induced state. Better luck next time.

Nervous...

2007-04-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be nervous. It's not like this is some high society gig - it's a community band performance at a local hall in the middle of a Sunday afternoon. It really it's a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

However, I'm still nervous. The band hasn't put on it's own concert with a rented space in forever and I really hope they can pull it off. I'm just really hard on myself and think I could have prepared them more for this performance but at the same time, I can only do so much and I realize that. It's going to be what it is and there will be screw ups, I can guarantee that... I hope that we get back on track quickly when they do happen.

Some people are taking this really seriously which is what is making me nervous. I'm just the sucker that took over but how they play is still a reflection upon me as the director. I don't think I'll ever get use to that, no matter how long I teach or direct. We'll see how it goes.

A "Good Experience"

2007-04-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

You know that song "Hello City" by BNL? How about the line "It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat"? Well... it's 5:20 am and I'm awake and I'm not sure if I'm hungry but it's still the line of music running through my head right not. I've been up now for over an hour and it's really starting to irritate me.

I did some mundane tasks that I thought would make me drowsy like they normally do (putting clothes away, sorting laundry) but nope. So I figured I'd check the email and see what I'd been avoiding for the past 3 days online. Checked out the Facebook thing and found that the last time I'd updated my profile I'd clicked the interested in women box instead of men so changed that in a hurry and wondered how many people had seen that in the past 3 days. Did the blog rounds and found still nothing much to be new with people so here I am, giving you an update on my past week.

I knew last Friday that this was going to be the week of torture. Monday through to Thursday at 5 was non-stop; filled with work related evening meetings, rehearsals (early in the morning and late at night), and then ... the interview.

This interview was probably the biggest interview (big as in number of people involved in the actual interview, the length of time it took, and the potential it has on my career) in which I'd ever been involved. It consisted of 2 pod interviews (yes, pod) and the Panel. Process as follows.

wake up at ungodly hour after not having slept much the night before and feeling sick to your stomach nervous
arrive at office - sit and wait
go into little room and sit at little table with 3 other people (the pod) and answer 2 questions. You have only 10 minutes - GO!
back into foyer and wait for 5 minutes, talk about shoes with the secretary who is doing her best to make small talk at an ungodly hour in the morning and keep you as calm as possible
back into little room for pod #2 and answer more questions - remember only 10 minutes allotted so answer well young grasshopper. Discover that your current supervisor is one of the interview people and think - mmmm... interesting turn of events.
foyer trip again - weather and art work conversation with secretary.
into the BIG room where you are shown to your seat (it's obviously the one at the little table facing the firing squad in front of you consisting of the 6 people from the pods plus the BIG BOSS and another BIG BOSS rep. Think to self - holy crap, what are you doing here you stupid young grasshopper - you are way in over your head.
Find that questions in this room are much more difficult than pods and geared specifically for the incumbent. Think to self - remember, you're doing this for the experience... next time it will be easier since you will have been here once before.
leave interview, to see incumbent sitting waiting for her turn
sit in car, scribble down some notes on what they asked you and then remember all the answers you should have and could have given but were too stupid to remember them on the spot

Yup - there ya have it - I'm going with the whole "it was a good experience" thing and yes it was but dang it - How can I have the experience in things they are asking for when that hasn't been my role? Geared for incumbent. Bah.

And now I'm still awake and thinking about all the other other things I could have added to my final statement but whatever. It's done and I won't find out I didn't get the job until Wednesday.

Ooooooooo Shiny!

2007-03-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

If I were to have an addiction, I would make it shoes. I bought a new pair of shoes today that Likalia made me swear I would wear regularly just because they are too good not to wear more than just to this dinner have to go to tonight. The picture in the link really doesn't do the patent leather justice. They are great shoes and, most importantly of all, they are really comfy! That isn't suppose to happen with 3.5 inch heels! I honestly didn't realize they were that high until I looked at the website since they are insanely comfortable. Mind you, we'll see if I still think that after wearing them for 5 hours tonight. Meh.... they're cute.

I also found a nice bag, evening like, that I figured I should have since I really don't have any 'good' purses to choose from for evening like events. I can't find a picture of that since it's one of those no name thingies but it is a muted sort of shiny. The front of the box like bag is sewn sequins (but wait... you know me.. not horrid sequins) in browns, blues, and a matte gold.

Sometimes my girly tendencies scare me...

In response to Likalia's March 11 Post

2007-03-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

Read first - March 11 by Likalia

I think that this is just a normal part of being in our *gasp* late 20's. We're in the middle of no where with no real future except a job or a place to live or if we're lucky a bit of both.

As stated several times before, age is a state of mind. Does that go for maturity as well or do we equate age with maturity and do we do that without sufficient evidence to prove that with age comes maturity. I don't think age and maturity go hand in hand; in fact, I think that age is just a physical state that we are forced to live for as long as we get to live.

I told Nibski the other night that his dream of living in what is basically a care-a-minium is making him an old man before he becomes one, but then, in many ways, he is an old man - but then, in many ways he is not. What is age?

At a performance tonight, I looking into the audience at one point and saw relatives, former teachers, and high school classmates all of whom were there to see their children perform. That was weird. They all had children that were relatively the same age - how weird was that!? In a few years, I could possibility be teaching these students. Good grief!

I though about the classmates. They have a house, 2 kids, jobs and seem fairly 'old' in the things they've accomplished. By 'old' I mean 'mature' or do I? The classmates were acting very immature and really nothing had changed in the years it had been since I'd last seen them.

Age vs. Maturity... I think that is the real debate.

Cancelled due to 'luv'

2007-02-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

St. Valentine's Day - what a crock... It's just a DAY people! Just a typical Wednesday with my REGULARLY SCHEDULED circuit training class... or so I thought.

I was looking forward to another insanely intense workout next week (this week's was brutal - like, thought I was going to pass out kinda brutal) but nooooooooooooooooo.... it's Valentine's Day and people want to skip class to go out to dinner with their significant others and whatnot. BAH! What a rip off! Out of the how ever many there are of us 3 were indifferent to rescheduling, all others in favour and I was opposed because we had signed up for a certain time and I have commitments on the week they want to reschedule to - BAH! BAH, I say to being shafted out of a perfectly good class on a count of a Hallmark holiday and luv!

Well.... luv is ripping me off! I don't want a free gym drop in, I want my class not the other options of classes I can't attend because I have other commitments that night (I'd be in them too if I didn't have things already scheduled..... I keep my commitments)... BAH! Let's rub it in the single girl's face that's she's single AS WELL AS out of shape. Good on ya, St. Valentine. Thanks again for reminding me I haven't a love life.

Missing: Relaxed Maggie

2007-02-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to panic. About what? A lot of things. February is traditionally frantic which this year translates into panic.

Since Likalia's home, that means that I am back in my home. The minute I set foot in the door at my home, all the relaxation and good feelings I had vanished and were replaced with frustration and dread. I don't know how much longer I can do this and maintain any semblance of sanity.

The new job was fine this week because I didn't have to do anything since it was exam week for the kiddies. Come Monday, that's going to change and the whirlwind of commitments will begin.

I woke up this morning in a panic about upcoming concerts and trips that the kids aren't ready for and I was trying to think of how to squeeze in extra rehearsals but how I can't because I'm in two places and there isn't any time - period.

The M.Ed. is looming as well. I've been picking away at it but not really getting anywhere. Self directed studies have never worked for me - I'm not motivated enough.

Hanging out last night with people was fun but depressing at the same time. I need a new point of view - preferably from a new living arrangement and if that living arrangement could come with a single man it would be even better. Right now, a giant hole to crawl into will suffice.

Much Better Day

2007-01-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

Today was very good for a number of reasons. First and foremost - the hair is NOT a wreck! YAY! I called the salon yesterday and the hairstylist I spoke with (not the one that did my hair, it was her day off) recommended waiting the full 48 hours before I rebook. She said it sounds like my hair has 'cold spots' meaning it just doesn't take to anything. Loverly - even my hair is totally stubborn. I waited, waited, and hid out in the jammies until the appointed time at which I jumped in the shower. The hair survived! So far... keep in mind, the real test comes after a full week since that was how long it took the last perm to fall out.

Other reasons why the day was brilliant: I got to cook in my (well, Likalia's) own space and am now set for the week. I made my favourite casserole and a whole bunch of sushi - too much in fact so a pawned it off on Rashy and Nibski and still have a tonne of it left! Yikes!

Now, I'm totally relaxed and kinda, almost prepared for the upcoming week - kinda, almost. By tomorrow night, that of course will have changed. *sigh* But for right now, all is well with Maggie's world!

Grrr... hair

2007-01-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

I should know better right? I have poker straight hair and if it was meant to be curly it would have been. Got my second perm about a year after the first one (okay, for those of you that know the real story my 3rd since the first one fell out in a week). I went to a different place and it was all good and it hasn't even been 12 hours and already parts are straight! Hello!?!? I didn't brush it, comb it, do anything to it and it's a disaster! Likalia, you were right - it's a good thing you're not here because you'd be subjected to much whining from yours truly.

I have a workshop ALL DAY tomorrow when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and die - right after I go back to the salon and say "hey! what gives?"grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It also didn't help that my mom compared my current hair to that of my least favourtive picture of myself ever! Taken in grade 5, people have looked at it in recent years and asked if that was an older cousin or an aunt or something - it's that hideous... and now - to crawl in a hole and die...

Stupid People Eating Toilets

2007-01-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

Greenwich Chapel
Philosophy to Live By (sign on random street downtown London)
Four Types of Paving in Oxford
Big Ben (and a crane cable I tried to cut out of the shot but didn't succeed)
MINI PRINGLES! and my phone for proportion... MINI is COOL!
Ceiling of The British Museum
The Toilet That Almost Ate Me (I'll explain, keep reading), Beefeater at Tower of London (with yellow teeth but good sense of humour) Westminster Abbey Entrance Westminster Abbey Corridor

Okay - the toilet that almost ate me: You have to pay 20p to use the thing and there's a huge line up. We were on Portobello Road on Saturday (HUGE market) so lines and crowds are to be expected. Rashy and I were in line for the toilet and she used it first. All was fine, door was a little hard to open because you had to slide it but still - all was fine.

Then it was my turn. There is an automatic washing cycle after each use (floor, toilet, sink - pretty spiffy) so i waited until that was done and then put in my 20p. Couldn't open the door for the life of me. Finally succeeded, used the facilities, washed hands etc and tried to get out. There is a big foot button that says "Push to Exit" so I pushed it but still couldn't move the door. There is another "Push to Exit" button at hand level so I pushed it but STILL couldn't move the door. By this point, Rashy had heard me trying to move the door and yelled "PUSH THE BUTTON" loud enough that the line of people started laughing because I yelled back "I DID push the button!" and still nothing was happening!

Now, keep in mind that the sign on the toilet also said there was a 20 minute maximum. Did that mean that the automatic cleaning cycle happened after that time? There was also a flashing red light that was going off. It reminded me of a surveillance camera. Were the keeping track of the number of people who got stuck in the toilet and their reactions?

Finally - after much more trial and tribulation, the door finally moved and I got out only to be greeted by the crowd of people and our crowd of friend all laughing. I hung my head and walked out.
Stupid People Eating Toilets

Back to Reality

2007-01-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

Reality is setting in. I'm trying very, very hard to ignore my responsibilities but without much luck. I got an email from my University Supervisior asking to set up a meeting time to review my proposal and project blah blah blah. I'm not thrilled about that. Work started again today and it was alright. No riots, just a flood in the room but that's par for the course. Caught a kid in a bold faced lie which was kinda fun since I totally made her confess on the spot - yay me. Kids are funny - a little slow, but funny.

Likalia thinks I'm experiencing delayed jet lag but I'm not so sure. I think I'm just in a slump. The London, England vacation was fabulous and jammed packed with weird and wonderful adventures that could take up a million blog entries but that's just not going to happen with the current state of mind.

I did a lot of walking on the trip and think I may have succeeded in loosing more weight while on vacation - Christmas vacation no less. Nibski says he's gained ten of the twenty he lost back again, which is likely - unfortunate but likely. My uber small jeans are just perfect now and my belt needs to be buckled in another notch. Those are all good things. I may have ruined it by eating a bunch of very untastey but convieniently placed (like right next to the easy chair) Skor ball thingies. I seem to be on a steady weight loss trend that I don't want to stop. Thankfully the circuit training class begins again on Wednesday and I can get back into old routines.

Rollercoaster anyone?

2006-12-17T16:15:00.000-08:00

It was a days of mixed emotions.
I know... pretty hard to imagine - me - with mixed emotions.
Stupid band and their stupid lack of being able to count, look up, listen, - screw it - play with any level of competence whatsoever! And to be doing this in public, really not cool. We do the same gig every year and every year it stinks. This year was my first year conducting it and I find it a little disconcerting when you have a number of members of the band who come up to afterwards and say in a totally sarcastic tone "we're fun to conduct aren't we?" or "see why all the other conductors had such a great time?"

I was ready to crawl under a rock and die. I didn't know whether to cry, get angry, or laugh. I did a lot of the getting angry on the inside during the outward laughter - like how Jack Nicholson laughed as the Joker. Twisted laughter.

Then there was the getting more angry and frustrated part about school fee crap as we talked in the coffee shop followed quickly by the stupid jealously as I learned Nibski and Frenchy were having dinner that night (yes, Likalia, I KNOW he and I will never happen! and our dinner was excellent - thank you!)

Following dinner there was the 'teach Likalia Bridge' night which was good times indeed. A lot of true laughter (not the I'm going to dunk you in a vat of acid laughter) and good wine was had by all.

Except for actual crying, I think I ran the gauntlet of emotions today. I hope tomorrow is nothing like today in that regard.

Feeling outta sorts

2006-12-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm in an alternate universe but in the universe I'm use to... sound strange? I'll explain.

I'm sitting in the usual coffee shop and have been since 2:00 this afternoon (it's currently 6:34pm). I'm at my laptop with my mega binder of research materials for my thesis sitting empty cup and fruit bar wrapper beside me. This would not seem strange to me at all if I were actually at university right now but I'm in the valley. I've done many a marathon sessions at coffee shops while in school this summer but never here. I suppose it's also very odd since I haven't been at work in 5 days (weekend followed by day off, then no school due to no power followed again by day off). I've been to the gym on twice. I've been living in my living room (remember the flooding incident? still trying to get rid of cat smell - getting better but I'm getting comfortable in the living room with the wood stove). I've cooked twice in the past five days - this is odd for me to do here. At school and on my own, not unusual at all but here it out of the ordinary. It was also my comfort food from my Sask days both times - a fabulous tuna and broccoli cassaroll dish. Honest! It's great!

It's kinda weird...

Replace or Revamp?

2006-12-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

My cat needs to be a dog sometimes so she could bark when something's asquew.

From where I'm sitting in the living room, I can see into the bathroom sink when the door is open. My cat was sitting in the middle of the floor. I didn't think anything of it because my cat's weird. I could hear water running but I knew that washing machine was running so I figured that was what I was hearing. But no... it was the toilet over flowing.

This toilet doesn't work properly at times - keeps running because the float stays up.

The back story: I came home from Dragonboating and coffee. I used the bathroom. I forgot that I had to watch the stupid float because it had been working fairly well the past 3 days so I went upstairs, made lunch, came downstairs, turned on the tv, watched a bit, checked my email, then looked up to see my cat sitting in the middle of the washroom floor, didn't think anything of it, talked to Likalia and was about to get up to make a phone call. Walked into the back towards the washroom and the bedroom to set into water in the hall, my bedroom and it was about 3 inches deep in the washroom where my cat was sitting - because she's part fish.

Following events included a full out argument, cursing, yelling, crying, sewer snakes, the emptying the majority of my closet, insults, accusations, the 'reminder of my age' and all that implies regarding attitudes, actions, and living conditions... the usual back and forth with my father. Good times...

So the toilet and my living situation is fixed for the next few months yet again... fixed is never a good thing - replaced with a newer version is always the better option and yet the all mighty dollar is always the determining factor.

The day can only get better from this point.

Everywhere daddy, daddy .. HAIR

2006-11-30T19:15:00.000-08:00

Waiting in a line up at the store today, I noticed something disturbing about the clerk as he waited for the computer to come back online: the stubble on his chest. I don't really care about chest hair (well.. if you're a mammoth I'll mind) but either you leave it, wax it totally, or if you decide to be a shaver - at least be a regular user of the blade or do up the top 3 buttons on your shirt!

Regular chest hair is not bristle like and exactly the same length as your 1 cm chin stubble... I mean, come on! I'm not saying you have to be a complete metro-sexual but there are general rules of grooming that should be followed by everyone. Both sexes have many options of hair removal or even to not remove. Wax, shave, pluck, trim, laser... you name it. There are some men (well... come on... most) that demand (subtly or not) that woman be well groomed in all aspects of their apprearance.

Psst - guys... got a secret for you... we demand it too!

Small town, Small circles, Small minds

2006-11-24T23:18:00.000-08:00

Trivia night with the "friends" and some actual friends, and my whole family.
One of the first things said "So, I heard something happened after we left last night? Something about someone singing a solo? Why didn't you do that when we were there?"

I couldn't answer that because I had to play team trivia with these people for the next 3 hours so I needed to be civil and I just plain couldn't think of anything to say. What do you say to that given the events of the previous night? I was dumbfounded.

I think they're getting ticked b/c I'm not uber over the moon to see/hang out with them. I'm not really trying to do this but I'm a bitch and therefore kinda am at the same time. I didn't really make and effort to say goodbye tonight b/c if I did, I'd be questioned as to why I'm not going out. My reason, if asked, would have been legit: I have to be up and across town decorating a float for the Santa Claus Parade by 8 a.m. but still... that wasn't the full reason. If I truly wanted to be with these people, I'd have stayed out - no matter what hellish time I had to be up on a Saturday. Truth be told, I don't do aloof well but the moment I get off the aloof train, the firing squad will begin: why did you leave so fast, why didn't you call us, what's going on, are you alright, are you just really busy? blah blah blah.

As always, I will go back to them but I'm currently having what is turning into the mandatory "2 month saturation" point that needs the "1-2 week cool off period." Week one is almost completed. I don't have to do everything with these people and I don't see why I should have to justify myself when I don't. On the flip side, I get a tad put out when I'm not invited or including in things that they do (obviously) but if they're entitled to some space, so am I.

How to be a bitch and a diva in one night without really trying

2006-11-23T23:09:00.000-08:00

1. guarentee you have 'friends' that don't call you to say they're going out to a performance you had said earlier you should all go to
2. text friends and have no reply to the question about going out that night
3. go out anyway b/c why not? You know there are going to be other people there you can hang with and you should go and be supportive of the performers
4. sit with the people you see as you first come in the door who aren't the 'friends' (bonus marks if that is at the front of the room right by the stage)
5. have a great time with those people and enjoy the show and the new company
6. get a beer from the bar, talk to other people while in line and don't look around the room b/c you think you may have seen the 'friends'
7. go back to your chair, drink, laugh
8. discover you have a text from the 'friends' saying "Fine! Don't sit with us!!"
9. reply (very delayed of course) with "I didn't know you were here or even going to be here :-P"
10. get response that says "Still doesn't change the fact that you're over there and you haven't even come over to say 'hi'"
11. ignore text and keep having a good time all the while thinking "mmm... so if you were here and saw me come in, and didn't tell you were going to be here, how is that MY job to come over and say hello?"
12. drink
13. watch 'friends' leave but don't make any eye contact
14. drink
15. get suckered into singing a solo at the club in a key that is much to high while one of your students sits in the audience and her father is in the band backing you up
16. sing poorly
17. get fake praise and yet think to yourself "I'm glad the 'friends' weren't here but HA! too bad they weren't"
18. make new friends or ditch the some of the old ones (this step is still in the beginning stages)

Southpark Character

2006-11-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

I saw Tweek's Southpark Character today so I figured I'd play as well... what would be fun is making other people's characters instead of your own. Could be cruel as well but hey, whatever - this is Southpark!

Does Ambition = Bitch?

2006-11-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

Why does ambition equate with positive traits for men and negative for women? I know the notion isn't new but for whatever reason I was thinking about this today. I wonder if I'm holding myself back from being a truly 'great' person because I'm afraid of the stigma attached to power? I'm not saying that I'm not a 'great' person already, I mean 'great' in the powerful sense. Power-hungry is such a horrible term in the first place but it just seems worse when you're talking about a female.

I've watched women I know become exceedingly powerful and achieve amazing things while at the same time having people verbally cut them down at every opportunity. In the same breath, the man who does the same things as the woman is labelled a fantastic leader. Funny that...

I'm reading a book about leadership and aspiring to excel at your career. It's a good book. Two months ago I never would have given it a second glance in the library let alone buy the thing. But recently I've been thinking about how far I could actually go "up the ladder" if I actually focused on that (doesn't mean I necessarily want to.. but it's a thought).

Is being driven bad? I don't think so, but the qualities that come along with being driven are generally viewed as negative and most certainly unfeminine. I'd like to think I'm not egotistical but I know what I can and cannot do and will admit both - usually. ;-) Does that make me threatening? Likely. Maybe that's why women in power only have a few close friends - those friends that know they really aren't bitches but also know how to tell you shut up when needed.

Everything's a little slow

2006-11-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm walking through pea soap with pants made out of soda crackers that are sucking up all the moisture.

Today was a tired day but the day actually started at 2 pm yesterday and lasted until 3:10 pm today.

Last night was the beginning band concert - it was standing room only, we made a nice chunk of cash at the door and best of all, the kiddies had a fabulous time and did a really great job! Thanks to Likalia for helping out with the photos.

I stupidly didn't ask for decaf coffee when we went out and so I was awake until 1:30 am tossing and turning and trying not to think about the potential branches that could be dropped on my car by the insane wind storm. Then it was performance time again for the Remembrance Day assembly. Again, the kiddies did well but they are getting worn out. We're suppose to perform again next week but too bad - enough is enough. At 2:50, (20 minutes to go until the end of class) I gave in to my sleep needs and those of the kids. We were all bagged. I gave them cookies. They ate therefore they couldn't talk which was good for the head ache I felt coming on.
Gym class tonight - didn't know it started at 6 pm so I arrived for 6:30... oh well... I'm a little slow today - hence the terribly pathetic blog. Meh... what do I care? I've been ready for bed since yesterday afternoon.

De-stressing is Stressful

2006-11-06T21:33:00.000-08:00

Why is the goal of the holiday the complete opposite of the planning of the holiday? Why do we stress so much about being able to de-stress? I think I know the answer. In the process of planning, you want to make everyone feel that they're needs are being met and that the travel plans you make are actual those which people will enjoy because if you don't succeed in doing that - no one will be happy and the ultimate goal of making people happier will back fire in your face.

People suck. I was told tonight that people were walking on egg shells around me but then that was quickly changed to "but we don't really have to do that with you..." which leads me to wonder, what exactly did that mean? Am I that big a whiner? Am I really as high maintenance as they say?

I wanted to go somewhere for the winter that was warm and fun and at the time of me saying that, I actually had some cash. That's not the case right now, could change but I'm doubting it. I'm the one stressing about this because I was the one that wanted to do something and now I'm the one that may not be able to follow through on the plans. If the past is any indication of future events (which it is!) then the inevitable outcome of me 'backing out' will be ridicule of the most 'good humored nature' *cough* which I really don't want.

This boils down to the fact that I need to have friends in the same income bracket. Technically, we are... but in reality, they get more hours and their income tends to be more disposable. Being 27 is stupid.

If a tree falls...

2006-10-29T15:50:00.000-08:00

You've heard that old saying before - if a tree falls in a forest does anyone hear? Well, according to a book I'm reading now called "Music, the Brain and Ecstasy: How Music Captures Our Imagination" by Robert Jourdain, everything in the forest will 'hear' it to a degree, but it differs from species to species. Some just feel vibrations, others hear but not with the nuances that we would. That's not the point of this post though.

I was foolishly running in the forest today, and I say foolishly because it was extremely windy and with my luck, something would fall on me, or my car. As I was running, I heard a lot of cracking and snapping above me and a really low groan. The type of groan that happens when trees and really swaying and are about to fall. But nothing did - at that point.

I was about 30 seconds away from when I heard the sounds when I heard CRACK! creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek BOOOOOM! I didn't go back to investigate but I can only assume that it was large tree. Thankfully, I didn't have to feel the tree fall.

TWO Oven Mitts Required

2006-10-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

I burnt my hand today. Typical scenario: in a hurry, wasn't thinking... blah blah blah.

Pulling out the hot pan from the oven with only one oven mitt would ordinarily do the job just fine... except this oven mitt was old (therefore thin). So I pulled my hand back from the pan (this is the hand holding the pan with the oven mitt) and grabbed the pan in an attempt to make sure the pizza didn't fall onto the floor with my non-oven-mitt hand.

My reward: a nice inch by 1/8 on an inch thick mark on the inside of my left hand which is currently STINGING like crazy so I should go and get more ice for it. This happened over 6 hours ago - you'd think it would have stopped hurting by now but apparently not.

Stupid.

Emo? oops... I thought you said Elmo

2006-10-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

I asked my kids what their definition of Emo was today and I got a response that I wasn't expecting. According to them it's all about depressing punk wannabe music listeners who are into getting attention by whining all the time and wearing black clothes. I figure it's like a combo of goth and punk and some other wierd stuff.

So I did some research - if you can really call it that - and found some interesting sites. I liked this one about the correct clothing. Then there was this definition that I thought was good after I had read what this person had to say.

All in all I figured I got a pretty good education today from the kids and the internet. I find it funny that they kids think this whole emo thing is stupid and at the same time, I know people who are totally buying into the whole thing. *hee hee* Who's smarter - the 14 year olds, or the almost 30 year olds? My vote is with the future.

Elementary, my dear trustee... Elementary

2006-10-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.... so here's my question to you - If you were a music student in a BAND program would you want to have that program changed to recorders and ukuleles after you've already done that for 6 years in elementary school? I'm guessing your answer would be "not so much" among some other choice words.

So the question then becomes, would you be willing to continue to pay for your own instrument rental even though the law now states that schools would be required to provide them for you? And if so - would you feel it to be unfair that some students would be allowed to be in the same program you are in but be able to demand that the school provide them with an instrument and then have it happen? In other words, Billy says he'll pay for his own instrument but Johnny refuses. So Johnny now gets an instrument from the school. But that instrument is only a recorder or a ukulele because that's all the school can afford. But Billy wants to be a band, and so does Johnny. Billy isn't going to get a 'band' experience' because Johnny refuses to pay for an instrument rental because under the law, schools can make him do that (not that they ever did but... whatever) so they have to provide him with something and recorders and ukes is all they've got. Is that a quality music experience? Maybe not but the learning outcomes can be met so that's a plus. Maintenance is financially possible so that's good too. What about expansion of musical experiences? Skill development? Exposure to new things?

mmmmmmm.... all points we pondered yesterday and will continue to ponder for the next while. But I'm not freaking out yet and I think my superiors think I am because one hugged me today and the other keeps stopping by to see how I'm doing. I'm a tough cookie - soft inside but you gotta get past the burnt edges first.

When is the Day the Music Will Die?

2006-10-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

I honestly thought that the information I was learning about how to protect your band program from being cut was just more information that I would never have to think about after university class discussions but now I'm being thrust into the heart of the very scenarios we talked about in room 1033.

I have a very heavy heart today. I talked to a fellow music teacher this morning. She wanted to know if I was available to sub for her in a couple of weeks as her principal is sending her to a training program to train her for another job in the school. That is very frightening.

One can only hope that there will be a lot of backlash in our community if cuts happen.

Stubborn Bird Forces Increased Liquid Consumption

2006-10-09T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last night was Thanksgiving Dinner at Bungler's. Dinner was suppose to happen at 6 but it turned out to be more like 7:30 or 8 when we actually sat down to eat. It was quite nice with the visiting and the people and the wait was much easier with all the wine that was consumed. I brought a potted Gerbera Daisy wrapped in a new tea towel with a black satin ribbon and card for the hostess from Nibski and I. She liked it a lot, but Cookie didn't. She said she hated Gerbera Daisies and if she gets one how she lets them die a slow painful death. Nice. She brought an amazing cake that was chocolate mousse top with a thick caramel layer and a chocolate crumble bottom (like ice cream cake bottom). Amazing but soooooooooo rich! I think they were equally good hostess gifts but since this was the hostess's first big dinner, I win for tack bringing something totally unrelated to food so as not to show up the hostess.

I hadn't eaten since 9 that morning but had coffee around noon with the girls so that tied me over. The copious quantities of wine helped as well. Met the Bunger in-laws and brother in-law to be. We talked a lot of war talk. He's in the Navy. Bungler isn't a fan but Nibski and I both think he's okay - opinionated but okay. He's young - what ya gonna do?

Ballboy showed up for dessert as he said he would but since dinner was late, he showed up just as we were about to start eating! Slightly awkward but we all survived. He was wearing jeans, as were most other people. Nibski and I on the other hand, had dressed up a bit. I actually wore a dress! Shocking.

Weird Things and Teal (originally posted 10.08.06)

2006-10-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

Strange things this weekend.

I went to a bar. I don't do that - well.. I do but I think that pubs are different than bars and this was a bar. And man, was it ever a reminder as to why I don't do bars. There were the idiots, the posers, the drunks, the staggette-ers, the cops.. you know.. the usual. *rolls eyes* Maybe I'll keep it in mind for the next 3 years until I forget the experience and go again. Went to a bbq with friends and have many a good laugh. We made pizza on the bbq and drank a lot of wine. All was cool except for the teal fanny pack that Nibski insisted on bringing along. That man needs a man purse from the right decade. Totally hideous. We hid it on him which kinda made him panic but I have a feeling I'm going to be had at some point.. there are plots brewing about him showing up to work in a matching jump suit with the fanny pack and a John Deer bball cap asking "ya, ready to go hunny? I've been waitin' fir ya?" I don't need enemies with the friends I have.

How to not to spend your mother's birthday

2006-10-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

1. get up, shower, dress (decide skirt is good - out of character but meh.. why not?)
2. give mom bday card (she got her present last month)
3. prep - pull usual 'create assignment last minute then change mind and don't use it therefore almost completely wasting time you had dedicated to the task you didn't actually complete'
4. teach
5. meeting/lunch/bicker with co-worker/pick for the hockey pool
6. teach x3
7. see former student - sad and good all in one
8. meeting - more bitching
9. eating - more bitching
10. coffee - creating a quasi date (more on that this weekend), mindless chatter
11. tv
12. type
13. go to bed

Stupid bugs

2006-09-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

You’d think it would be a fabulouso day yesterday since it was Friday but not so much for Maggie. Morning was alright – even though I thought I was late for work but in reality I was an hour early. Then at noon – seriously, I looked at the clock – I got the bug that’s been going around.

Thankfully, it only lasted 12 hours but damn talk about a killer head ache, stuffed up and just achy all over. You’d think the big cheque I got to pick up would be something positive for the “I feel like crap” afternoon but not really since when I picked it up I ran into someone that recently has been making me irritated. Bah.

And stupid me, when I’m sick, I want crappy food so I ate cookie dough. Not the smarted thing but whatever, I’m better today and have been productive with the cleaning, vacuuming, and laundry thus far. Not bad. I should get sick more often.

Unfortunately, timing IS everything

2006-09-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

My luck stinks - well, maybe it's not my luck but my timing. I think either I born too early or too late.

For as long as I can recall, my ability to participate in travel has been off by at least a year. As far back as grade 5 this has happened. We were suppose to go on some overnight field trip that they do every year with the grade 5 class but our year was the one they skipped. Then in grade 7, same thing.

Skip ahead a decade and a bit and we find a similar situation. Friends that are travelling while I'm doing other stuff. Three years ago it was Russia, last year it was Newfoundland, this coming year - Prague. Now I know that I'll get to see all the pictures and hear all the fabulouso stories but I really REALLY do not what to hear all the planning and excitement leading up to the event because that's the killer part for me; however, as it was so kindly pointed out to me tonight when I was told that Nibski has agreed to go for sure, it was my choice to do my masters degree now so I can't really complain. Well screw that! I'm going to complain all I like, thank you very much! Consider this the first official complaint and expect more to follow.

Am I Bi Polar?

2006-09-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

What's wrong with me? I know, loaded question.

I was totally happy today - first day went well, granted it's still the honeymoon phase but I'll take it for now. Get home... doing nothing... just about to start on some work and the phone rings. Now, I was expecting a call but I wasn't expecting it at 9. So I go to the viewing of the pictures I requested (I had the pictures, I so kinda had to be there). Then the work talk starts... and how everyone is all happy with their new wages and their gardens and their trips and their kitchens and their this and that and how... oh, is this a bad time to tell you, Maggie, that you owe me money? You know, right after you just made the comment about having no work this year and how your program that you've worked so hard for over the past three is quickly disintegrating before your eyes and it's a totally demoralizing you but - ya... you owe me some cash... sorry.

That's 2 good evenings in a row totally ruined because I have let comments people have made get to me. Maybe it's the full moon that I'm hyper sensitive, I don't know... but I think I need to hole up for a while and not interact. I wanted to sign up for all this stuff on staff because I'd be into it and want to do and then reality set in that no - I'm not there so I won't be able to do these things. I feel like I'm being punished for something even though I know it's not the case. How does one involve themselves and yet uninvolve themselves at the same time?

New Meaning to a Name

2006-09-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

I went shopping today - specifically for bras... I suppose it could be fun... if I were rich and were average. I'm not average in this particular department so selection is limited and not all that cheap. I was also in the market for a sports bra. Purchased two of that variety and one of the every day sort.

Aren't Sports Bras suppose be worn FOR a workout and not BE the work out? Holy crap! I wonder if my experience with this bra is anything like what a very large cat would experience trying to get into one of those really really tiny cat doors? I thought I was going to pull my shoulder out of its socket trying to get this thing on! It was a pull over thingy - that felt great once it was on - but omigod! The actual putting-it-on process was a work out in itself! I seriously thought at some point I was going to have to call someone in to help me get either in or out because I was half of each. That would have been a sight!

"Um... excuse me? Hello?..."
"What can I help you with, dear?"
"I'm... um... kinda stuck... "
"Stuck?"
"Ya... can you help me?" pulls curtain back. Store lady sees me with my arms over my head in a quasi 3m tower diver pose entangled in the killer sports bra. Much struggling, jiggling, and laughter ensues. I purchase bra.

Well, except for that whole dialogue and the woman helping me, that was pretty much the situation behind the curtain in my own private hell of sports bra land. I'd advice against it.

50th Post isn't Here!

2006-08-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

Posted on Likalia's site today instead of my own - weird, yes. Good reason? Nope. Just one of those things. I suppose I could add the fact that I watched Oprah today and cried. Why does that show always make me cry!? It was about her "Angel Lane" creation - homes for Katrina victims. Maybe I really am a softy... DAMN! There goes that cover.

Paddle for Puddle

2006-08-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Did the kayaking thing tonight - twas good. Indigo Eve, Likalia, my dad, and I went out for just about an hour. It was getting dark and even though we hadn't used up our time - it was time to dock.

Not sure about the being back at home thing. It's all a mish-mash of various feelings regarding my job, my living arrangements, my goals - you know - all little minor things that don't weight heavily on the mind at all....riiiiight.

Going to go into work tomorrow. That's going to be thrilling I'm sure. I'm under strict instructions from Nibski to only go in for the allotted time that I'm actually under contract; however, we all know that he was wasting his breath. Nice effort but totally futile.

Sleep and TV

2006-08-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

I have returned, back from a summer of torture and strain. I do wonder why I do this to myself. The friends say that it's silly. Mind you, two of those friends have been through the same experience and one is looking to start his own experience next summer so what gives? Weird.

I slept a lot today... and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT! If I were to compare ordinary sleep patterns of anyone other than me to me this summer, the other people would have been sleeping A LOT but I'm talking about comparing today's sleep to what ordinary people. I learned how to function (not well) on an average of 3-6 hours of sleep a night with the occasional sleep in (until maybe 9) on Saturdays. Last night I went to bed at midnight and got up today at 9 am. Pretty good! But then I totally crashed at 1:30. I mean CRASHED! I slept until 5:30 and the only reason I got up was the fact that I had to pee and was hungry. Now, I'm awake and feeling like the day is just beginning and it's a quarter to 8 pm.

I better ditch this screwed up sleeping pattern fast or I'm going to be totally toasted come September.

TV: TV sucks. I haven't watched TV these past two months so I did tonight and man was I bored and totally disappointed. It use to be something that I'd do all the time but now it's totally boring to me. That's a good thing but now it means I need to find something else to fill my time with ... exercise? *sigh*

IPMS (Insanity Prevention for Masters Students)

2006-08-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight we had an IPMS party at Doc's house. I love Doc. He's been here - he knows what we're doing and how hellish it is at this point. So we got an invitation to his house complete with picture of Trogdor and Strongbad! Love it! Almost everyone was there and those that weren't - good. I don't like them anyway! I can say that b/c they don't know the difference between a computer and their own ass so I'm thinking the chances that they'll find this are fairly slim.

I think my body is shutting down. In fact, I'm almost convinced. And if it were me I was abusing - I'd shut down too... wait.. it is me that I'm abusing.... interesting. I don't consider myself to be my body - does anyone else do that? Detach themselves like that - as if they were not their body but it were just a housing device in which you live? Weird.

Anyway.. I had eczema like... um... 6-7 years ago? and now it's back... and not going away. And it's killing me. Apparently it goes in cycles of sorts and now it's decided to return and NOT LEAVE so i'm thrilled. I've also been getting no sleep. Thursday night - more accurately Friday morning - I got 2.5 hours then did my presentation and handed in a paper (got an A- for pulling that one outta my ass). Then we worked all weekend! Seriously - ALL WEEKEND! There was no break except dinner. That was it! Sunday - or Monday morning - I got to bed at 4:30 and was up at 7:10ish and didn't get to bed until 1 am. I think that's kinda unhealthy but what do I know? I've never been one to fall asleep at my desk but I have almost done that last night and then again tonight.

That may be a sign to turn off the computer and get some sleep and say "Screw it!" to all the other stuff I need to do for tomorrow.
"Hey stuff - SCREW YOU!"
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Another tiny milestone...feels like a kidney stone

2006-07-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

Term 1 ended leaving us feeling like we've been hit by a truck - multiple times. The truck will continue to run over us for the next year and we know it. It will be the longest, most stressful, and likely rewarding year. We are starting to understand what this being a master student thing is all about and frankly - it's scary. It's a lot of responsibility and 'thinking outside the box' and all that crap that those other people are suppose to be doing. I do not consider myself one of those other people... yet. I'm not sure if I ever will.

There have been a few times now that I've questioned my readiness for such an undertaking and so far I haven't come up with any really good answers. I've come up with the usual I'm _______ to be doing this List which includes such fill in the blank-ers as young, tired, inexperienced, unready, average, ill-equipped, stupid... the list goes on and on. I won't fail but it's going to be mighty uncomfortable for the next while - as it has been this month and will only get more so this coming month - which starts tomorrow for me. Oy. Thinking is hard.

There will be a reprieve eventually - Hey! July 2008! Are you listening!? I need you here now!

Necessary Evils

2006-07-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Apologies to those extremely few people who read this blog. I have moved - temporarily and have nothing but work to do in every waking hour. A relaxing summer it will not be, but I'm tough... so far. Predictions from a fellow classmate - people will start to break in the last week of July and I'm thinking he's correct. We have 4 assignments due that week and they're all major. The necessary evils aren't many but they are:

sleep (takes up too much time but damn.. it feels good).
sitting on my ass (can't really type while walking)
drinking coffee - and here's the kicker... it's Starbucks coffee

Okay okay... those of you saying "but you bought real coffee when you were at home last weekend" must understand that all three of these necessary evils are related. In order to fend off the sleep, coffee is required. In order to make myself get off my ass and not look at the computer screen, I need to walk. Where shall I walk to so that my walk will have a purpose because if the only purpose is walking for walking's sake, I'll feel like I'm wasting time so to thwart that idea I walk to the Starbucks at the bottom of the hill therefore killing all three of the necessary evils in one smooth move. Clever? I think so.

School's Out For SUMMER!

2006-06-23T23:58:00.000-07:00

Well, for the little darling's it is. Today was their last real day of classes; next week is 'make-up' week when all the little kiddies that didn't do anything all year get yet another chance to do their work in the hope that they won't fail. Personally, my kids have been given too many chances already and therefore are not doing any make up work b/c why would it really make a difference? It won't. They've already failed the term with no hope in hell of actually passing so forget it! It would be a waste of my time and theirs so I'm doing us both a favour and calling a spade a spade - or in this case, a fail a fail. I especially love how their work habits marks are put right after their grade so if they get an unsatisfactory for their work habits it goes right after their F so it actually prints off F U which everyone involved finds quite hilarious.

Went for a coffee walk with Nibski and Ballboy tonight. Didn't really want to go but I forces Nibski into going (he didn't want to go either b/c he was too drunk but whatever! that's his fault). Then I wrote out a bunch of music for him for this concert he's putting on with a kid. I know how to have a good time! Do I ever! This is my second last Friday before school starts for me and I'm doing basically nothing exciting at all. Gotta love that. Tomorrow should be better with the.. wait a minute - what I am saying? I'm working on report cards all morning! Bloody hell! I was going to say that it would be better with the kayaking in the evening with Indigo but blast and damnation I have stupid report cards to do! Well, at least I can get some satisfaction with the F U's that will be on a few reports. Simple things amuse simple (or burnt out) minds.

Antsy and Pensive

2006-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

It was the last day of classes today before the exam crunch for the kiddies. It was actually a sad day for me because I had my last band class with the kids I started three years ago. They were my first class ever. I tried to say some inspirational words at the end of class but I couldn't... I was getting choked up again. I'm such a sap. We arranged ourselves in a circle and played out of their beginning band arrangement book from their first year. We ended the class by going around the circle and sharing our favourite memories. Some stories were very enlightening and other were just classics that we all know and love. It was really a 'warm-fuzzy' class. I will miss them but I know I have a lot more to look forward to in the years to come. They will always have the 'first' place in my memories though - that's for certain.

There are so many changes going on around me right now but I kinda feel like I'm stuck. They are really exciting things happening and I suppose I feel left outta the loop. Maybe I think I'm suppose to be somewhere I'm not? Not sure. I know that working on a Masters is a 'big deal' or supposedly is but it seems kinda stupid at the moment. Likalia has bought a house. Fantastic! She's now a full fledged adult - complete with debt forever ahem. ;) Some friends just announced they're going to have their third baby this spring! Terrific! Our other friends think they're crazy but I think it's exciting. I got an update from uni friends a year into their marriage. Good on 'em. Another friend just got back from China and bought a house and car within a week. Of course, she made a tonne of cash while she was there even though she hated every minute but still - holy crap! Where the hell am I?

In a job that doesn't have much of a future except struggle and grief, living in my parents house with no real assets of my own except a car and who can I blame for that? Only me. I know, I know... it could be a hell of a lot worse. I could be doing nothing and I know I am doing stuff but it just seems that I have so%

Can't sleep

2006-06-16T02:43:00.000-07:00

It's 2:40 am and I'm awake... I don't know why, but I am. Perhaps it's the coffee I had at 8:30 but that's not unusual for me to do on a Thursday night. Could be the half of a tiger brownie? Or could it be the millions of things running through my head about school (the job) and school (the summer) ? I thinking that could be the most likely explanation.

I suppose to walk with Likalia at 6:30 tomorrow morning - well, make that this morning - and I'm wondering if I'll actually make it. I hoping because this whole being a fat blob thing is losing it's charm fast. That would be more accurate if it actually had any charm in the first place and since it didn't, that statement was totally inaccurate and has been rescinded.

Let's see. The District Retirement Party was after school today (I'm just going to say today as it it was correct) and it was a good ole networking time. I may have inadvertently screwed myself by putting two high up people together to talk about me and my teaching position next year. Do I want more time? Well, yes. But I had kinda decided or at least come to accept the plan for next year would be work on the masters and sub on my alternate days since I would only be working every second day at school. That would give me time to do what I needed to do for my thesis as well as focus on the stuff at school that I actually want to focus on. Problem now, if I'm offered more time (as I do kinda sorta want but don't because the time won't be in my area of expertise) what do I say? I've been advocating for it and now if it's offered I'll look like a complete idiot to turn it down.

So all of this is churning around in my tiny mind while at the same time I'm thinking about the final exam I'm creating. Did I cover all the learning outcomes - 95%. Did they retain any of it? 30%. Will the final be too hard or too easy? Will I have enough information to review in class today with the darlings so they don't go bouncing off the walls or each other and actually get something covered? Have I prepared enough for this? No. Will it work out in the end? Of course, it always does. Does that really factor into my frame of mind at the moment. Not on your life. All I can think about is how the veteran teachers have done such an excellent job and how I have potentially ruined the next three years of these kids lives because I didn't teach them about the French and American Revolutions and instead focused on the other BEFORE hand stuff. Which, in retrospect, maybe wasn't the best thing to do but in reality - they're not going to care one way or another and actually, they will get better information from another teacher on those topics anyway - if they choose to continue with the subject. ACK! There are too many things to think about. Too many examples of how I've 'failed' this year. To an outsider, it may not look that way but I have just barely made it through. Only three more classes to go and then THANK GOODNESS IT'S OVER!

or is it... tomorrow's meeting with the higher powers that be will let me know my future fate. More grey hairs and pounds or more peace and focus on what I want? Hell - it's a job right. What gives me the right to be picky?

It's about an hour after I first logged on and I'm still not tired. Maybe I'll start marking assignments that I have to hand back tomorrow - or maybe I'll make some review pages. Do I know how to party or what?!

Map of Alternate Self

2006-06-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

In front of me I have a map of the University Campus where I'll be spending my summer but this time in rez. As I'm looking at the map, I'm thinking how I want to get there as fast as possible but the only reason I'm wanting to get out is for the sake of change. Work is almost done but it's not coming fast enough while at the same time coming too fast. I have a tonne of work to do (create finals and review packages, clean up/organize office and store rooms) but none of it actually appeals to me. Why? Because I know my time for next year has been cut significantly once again and I frankly don't want to go into my 4th year of my career back where I was in my 1st year.

This past week I was kinda a recluse - which, I believe people have every right to be when they see fit. Apparently, I was snubbing people by hiding out. I suppose I was and I'll admit, I was doing it consciously. I didn't want to see them - not because I don't like them, just because I knew that seeing them wouldn't put me in a better mood or make me want to go to work the next day, it would just be a reminder of how at this moment I'm kinda stuck in a rut and really REALLY need change.

Likalia and I started walking early in the morning this past week and that was good. I had a focus and a routine. I've kinda lost my routine. I had a fabulous routine last summer and well into the spring but ever since things have started to wind down the routine has slipped and the moral has gone with it. The routine of this week didn't involve many people besides the paddling crew and Likalia and I was good with that but the others weren't.

It's been a weaning process - a transition into the other person I am in the summer. Sure, I'm a stressed person but hell - that's nothing really new, but I do think I'm a tad different. Next September will be different. I'm dropping a lot of extra curricular stuff but at the same time picking up some others so it will turn out to be fairly even. The difference lies in the enjoyment factor which will be the biggest benefit. Maybe the other me and the present me will actually be able to unite in the same city.

Thank you... and good bye

2006-06-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

TGIO - Thank Goodness It's Over! Concert day was a disaster and the concert itself would have been MUCH better if we had been able to rehearse in our performance venue or actually rehearse the day of our concert period but whatever... soon there will be staffing changes and hopefully then I'll have some input but then again, I might not be there which could be a blessing as well. A parent said to me that I'll never have a class like that again, and that's sad because at this school I know it's true and that is very disheartening.

Okay - so I cried. This was the last concert I'd have with my babies - my very first beginner band students. They're moving on and it's sad. So I cried... and was mocked. And THEN - I suppose I shouldn't be bitter but I am... I was mocked even more for some typos in the program. The date was from the previous concert and something I wrote didn't come out right so it was mockable and then I was told I was too sensitive. Maybe that's true, or maybe I just know when to mock and when not to... and this was a not to moment. But some insensitive person apparently took offence to my taking offence and blah. Stupidity. I shouldn't have to worry about that shit, especially on a night like tonight and especially since my supposed friends should be a little more perceptive considering I skipped out on stuff last night due to stress but men are idiots so I rest my case.

No I don't... a few last thoughts on the matter.. I was grateful that my friends and family came out to support me... I really was. And I really appreciate those that know how to behave themselves. As Rashy was saying something about a concert she had put on and the 'helpful feedback' she received and how she didn't appreciate it at all, no one questioned her reaction but for some reason, I am fair game. I don't like that very much. Again... Unperceptive men are idiots.. and that's why they are single. Now I rest my case.

Chaos Theory Epitomized

2006-05-31T23:57:00.000-07:00

I don't like chaos... or at least I'd like to believe that to be true. Maybe I do and I'm just in denial since my life is a constant state of chaos either with work, rehearsals, practices or just plain living stuff that tends to get in the way. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that I need to change something although I'm not sure what that something actually is. My career? It's kinda in the toilet at the moment but that happens at the end of every year when I get my piece of paper saying that I am "surplus to needs." I wonder if they (being the employers) understand what it's like to be referred to as "surplus to needs"? To me that says I'm expendable. Gosh, golly thanks for that pat on the back! And what terrific timing for that pick me up - after the end of a long and hard year and on the verge of an even more unstable future. Love it.

Concert night tomorrow and this is the most behind I've ever been getting prepared. Ordinarily the program is done and printed two or three days before but nope - not this time... I just finished it and will print 'er off tomorrow.

Then there is prep for my 'regular classes' that at the moment I care so much about considering the final concert of the year and all but that still have to be done, not to mention the mountain of marking I have waiting for me to complete this weekend. Remind me again why I chose this profession? Am I a masochist or just a total idiot who is burnt out from the many sticks of dynamite I'm juggling that are waiting to go off at any moment?

What ever it is - I know the end of something is near - what the something is... that's currently a mystery to everyone, especially me.

Christmas in May

2006-05-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Secret Santa gifts, Christmas carol sing alongs, trivia, candy and the hokey pokey - what more could you ask for? Our stewardess for the trip was Fun Bus Girl who would roll her rubbermade cart up and down the aisle of the bus and hand out all sorts of things from candy to moist towelettes (distributed with tongs and the utmost love and care). She would periodically check in with us to make sure we were content or that we were actually singing along with the carols being played over the p.a. system and had found the corresponding carol on the sing-a-long booklet she's typed out for each of us. Our name tags were red or green sparkle felt made into mittens that were there to help us learn each other names. As one of the only three non-regular team members, it was helpful for me but as soon as the tags were gone, I was lost.

We paddled hard at the festival but we crashed... well, almost crashed but thankfully we held hard and stopped our boat in time. Considering that we still made pretty good time and were only about 5 seconds behind that same team at the finish so yay for us.

Indigo and I were helping out a breast cancer survivor team. It was particularity hilarious in the evening as we were getting ready to go to bed when one of them came up to me and asked if I wanted to hold her boob as she hands me a false breast! So funny! It was quite heavy and felt like the real thing complete with nipple. Those ladies are a blast!

T'was a simple evening... unlike yesterday

2006-05-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

Ah summer... or at least summer-esque. A nice walk, a little rain, a cup of coffee... marvelous.

Nibski and I went to the coffee shop, got our usuals (it was new girl coffee tonight - little heavy on the flavour, yikes!) and walked. Down Ellis to the water then around the marina, the boardwalk etc. Drove to the park and walked there checking out plants and trees - then went house looking. I love house looking! I haven't done a drive by house looking in a long time so that was cool. We picked out some places for me to move into once I get a real job...

Tomorrow's going to stink - stupid band performance that I have to get up early for on my DAY OFF! Bloody stupid commitments to things I don't want to be in in the first place but have to still do as a favour to BallBoy since he's leading it and there won't be people there and ACK! Moving right along....

Last night was interesting though - the bbq with people who don't know how to leave their pets alone. People are dumb. Why... why would you kick someone else's animal, or ANY animal for that matter. Especially when you know that the animal you are kicking is just defending it's territory from your stupid animal that you insist on bringing and that the animal you are kicking was severely abused all through puppyhood!? That is the sign of a true dog person - someone who cannot leave the house without their pet and then think that everyone else should rearrange their lives around their pet. Like Likalia said - I'm not going to bring my cat to your house so please don't bring your dog to mine. My cat would be totally offended if I brought her to someone's place for dinner. "Tessie and I will be there at 6:30..." umm... no.

Don't get me wrong - dogs are great - I like dogs, I've had dogs and some year will likely have another dog, but dogs and dog people are two completely different things. I am not, nor will I ever be, a true dog person so this is why I find it extremely hard to not mock dog people when they do stupid things like bring their dog to someone's house for dinner when the invitation clearly was not for a three but for two and then they get upset when their dog is 'attacked'.

I wonder - do they try to take their dog to restaurants as well?

Lily... as in of the Valley?

2006-05-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

Why bother

2006-05-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

This falls under the "why do I even bother?" category.

I found out tonight that not only did I not the job I'd applied for, I didn't even get an interview or any notification that my application had even been received. And how did I find out? From a friend who heard from a friend who was told by the person who got the job that they got the job. And, just to make it more exciting and an even bigger slap in the face - I found out over the phone, in casual conversation because he figured I must have known that if he knew. Nope.

So he back pedals... fast. "Maybe I heard wrong, or maybe they're just being optimistic...?" Right.

(@*#&

What the hell is the point anymore? I'm treading water here but am still drowning. I'm not sure why I'm bothering to stick if out in this place if I'm not even going to be given a chance. Maybe I will have to just to the 'mature' thing and leave to go... where? Nunavut? Maybe the states? I don't know.. but I think if things don't change soon I'm going to have to leave and that's really the very last thing I want to do. I'd become a fucking bar maid before I leave. This is not cool... not cool at all. The employee people really don't know what they're going to loose when they loose me... notice it's not an if... at this rate it's most certainly a when.

United 93

2006-05-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Saw the film tonight... really wasn't top of my list of films to see but I did anyway. There were just the three of us in the theatre at the beginning, then two guys came in and then another guy. At least we paid for the wages for the two workers. It was scary that the girl needed her calculator (or help from the manager since she couldn't find the calculator) to add $4.00 + $3.00. Slightly frightening.

The movie began and ended very abruptly. No opening ads and just a few screens of info at the end. Ballboy, Nibski and I were all a tad shaken after the film. It was really jarring recalling that day which was years ago already! I can't believe that. I think I hurt Nibski's arm... once the movie ended he said something about having to start the circulation again... Ballboy was hanging on to me just as tightly as I was to Nibski so Nibski's a WIMP!.. either that or he's totally heartless... not sure which is more likely at this point.

Anyhoo - thought it was going to be a 'meh' film but it was actually quite well done. I'd recommend it, if you like nasty, horrible, real life scary things. Considering the subject matter, it was respectfully made.

Maybe you didn't hear me... Who gets the friends?

2006-05-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

Okay... maybe we're in a playground and I just wasn't informed. Possible but not likely considering all parties involved are well over the age of 5 and most are at least 5 times that age, some even 7 times that but whatever, not the point.

I was basically told tonight that I have to pick sides to which my counter was something along the lines of that's not going to happen b/c it's impossible. Sure, I know she screwed you over but hell - she's still my friend and I'm going to be supportive.

Scene 1: Nibski and I are on our way to the pub. We know that the parties in question are going to meet. We take our time walking S L O W L Y into the pub in hopes that it would have sorted itself out. mmmmm.... wishful thinking on our part.

Scene 2: Nibski and I witness Vi standing just outside the entrance to the pub. We stop. She turns. She starts to melt. Nibski panics sensing an emotional moment and naturally I step in to console.

Scene 3: Vi and I sit and talk through the tears of anger, annoyance, the "It's not fair"s and I let her know that Nibski and I will be fine if she and Ballboy are in the same room and only to do what she wants to do and feels comfortable with... we'll be fine!

Scene 4 (the longest be least evenful): In the pub. We drink. We eat. We talk. There are 6 of us there in total. We pay. We exit.

Scene 5: Everyone else has left, said their good-bye and good lucks to Rashy (going on trip) and Juicy(due to have baby next week) leaving Nibski, Ballboy and I in the parking lot. I'm ready to leave but have to wait for my ride. Dialogue begins and I begin to walk towards the men.

"Did YOU invite her?"
"Pardon?"

And it got bad from there. I tried to say that I wasn't going to be put in the middle of this and yes I know he was treated badly but I'm not going to not be friends with her just because I'm still friends with him.
"It it wasn't for me you wouldn't be friends with her. What do you actually talk about that doesn't have to do with work?"
Not really any of his business so I said that that wasn't true that we do talk about other things (which is true) and that I wasn't going to pick sides. It got kinda sad and scary and I was hoping that Nibski would jump in at some point to help me out... that point didn't come for a long time but he eventually tried by saying that I didn't invite her that we had come in together but that didn't seem to matter. I was in trouble and I'm not sure how to solve this one.

Apparently, I'm suppose to tell her that she needs to talk to him. But why should I? Why am I the go between? And why isn't he getting angry at Nibski or Rashy? Apparently because I'm easier to get angry with? Apparently we were his friends first and she's not suppose to have us as friends anymore... I don't like it.

I'm not sure what to do about this one except accept the fact that he was angry and upset more at her than me and take it as a compliment (though odd) that he feels comfortable enough to speak to me that way. It's true, that the people you feel the most at ease around are the ones you can really say the horrible things to b/c you know they will love you no matter what. Well, let me tell you... it still sucks... no matter how back asswards flatteringly you try to look at it. I love them both and that's the bitch of the whole situation.

My cat - the slut

2006-05-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

My cat has a problem. She needs to go to an BPAA (Box and Paper Addicts anonymous) meeting. She can't control herself. It doesn't matter when or where of what the shape or size of the box, she has to be IN or ON it as soon as it is within her eye sight.

I suppose I don't help matters any when I present a row of shoe boxes and lids all laid out nicely for her on the floor. It didn't matter that she was lounging in front of the wood stove all content just as she was - she got up and crammed herself into a box. If my cat were a woman, she's be a whorey woman. Size doesn't matter to her, only the fact that there is a box in the room - she will pounce and have her way with it.

Stack of paper - same deal. She must be ON the papers. Not sleeping on them necessarily, just sitting will do... the more you need access to the stack of papers, the more she desire she has to be on the papers. Kinda like a really trampy girl who sees knows that you're into some guy so that means she needs to have him just so you can't. My cat's a really bitch! (And that is insulting since she most certainly is not a fan of dogs.)

Who was it that gets the friends again?

2006-05-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I'm not liking this whole 'people breaking up thing,' especially when it screws with the core group of friends. There I was tonight stuck - totally stuck. Do I hang with one and not the other? Do I tell the one what the other said b/c that's really the only line of communication at this point and when you're trying to co-ordinate your appearances as social gathers (or would that be un co-ordinate when you're trying to avoid the other?) you kinda need to be able to talk. But no... I get stuck being the go between and it's bad... bad, Bad, BAD! I'm not enjoying it at all.

And what's the deal with a friend from across the country showing up in my neck of the woods - well, okay.. in my province close by like 3 hours -tops!- away - and NOT telling me! NOT TELLING ME until I basically forced her to give it up because she slipped on something she said! Grrrrrrrr. Where's a big strong man to hold when you need one?

Oh.. that's right - not with me.

Stupid Wasted Day

2006-04-30T15:16:00.000-07:00

Time is precious to me - as it is to us all - and I'm sure you can understand the frustration of having a perfectly good day ruined by something stupid. This something stupid was an all day band day, which under normal circumstances I would have been happy to partake in but this was just plain dumb. Our local band had invited a band from across the pond to come over and put on a combined concert which was suppose to be pretty cool but it isn't really that cool when the audience is about a quarter of the size of the band. It's especially a pain in the ass when key members are not there - say, those that had been instrumental (no pun intended) in organizing the whole thing and coincidentally were suppose to the advertising that turned out to suck a lot! It was pretty horrid. The president of the band wanted us to be there at 9:45 am... we weren't rehearsing until 11:30 so we weren't sure why this was her plan. Thankfully the director chimed in and asked why so early? We didn't have to be there until 10:45 to set up and even at that we sat around for about 45 minutes before we actually began to rehearse! We didn't get out of there until 6:00! ACK!

Only good thing - I met up with someone I'd met this summer. We never thought we were going to see each other again so that was pretty cool. We were in summer classes together but he wasn't in the Master's program, he was just there in the class. We got to hang out and catch up so that was pretty sweet. Awesome trombonist and a tonne of fun! I'll see him again when we take out band to their town. That will be nice!

There is a large number of us - I suppose you could call us the music snobs of the band - who are getting really bored with what we're playing, or not playing as the case may be. We've had the same music for way too long and it's just not getting better. *sigh* I'll have to make a decision about that next year - to continue or not. Right now it's mostly the social aspect that keeps us going. Lord knows it's not a challenge anymore, except on my patience.

Hissy is here!

2006-04-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

Pictures of my new Car Hissy and my Cat Tessie. YAY! New Car!

Hissy Fit!

2006-04-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

I got my NEW CAR on Thursday! Black Sport Honda Fit with a whooping 11 km on it.. now that's 100 km but whatever.. I HAVE A NEW CAR!!! It's so cute and shiny - like a little black bug. I love it!

I flew yesterday! It was cool! In the play I'm in the pit for there is a point where a guy is tossed off a building and he has a harness and 'flys' so they wanted to fly me and I wanted to fly too so we did it yesterday between the matinee and evening performance. SO FUN! I wasn't expecting to fly at one point and just kinda got pulled off the ground - which was funny for everyone watching but not for me so much. I'm slightly sore today but that could be from the 4 hours of playing as well. It's a lot of work. I'm totally spent after a show.

Nibski Faux Pas Alert: we were out at the choral director's house after Friday's show, drinking as usual. As it always happens at parties, people split into groups and generally into the same groups of people they always are with - no surprises here. Nibski, Rashy, pit director, choreographer, choral director and I were in a group at the kitchen table talking about stupid things when out of the blue Rashy points and the choreographer and said how he isn't wrinkly but I am! The whole table went silent. I was in shock. I couldn't say anything! Nibski, of course, is laughing his ass off but everyone else is telling him how incredibly stupid that was to say. THEN later on he says something about how I have saggy breasts! (we had been talking about Oprah and bra sizing and people had been trying to throw things down my shirt and Rashy's shirt but whatever... ) You just DON'T say that to a woman - not like it's true anyway but OMIGOD! He tried to cover it by blaming someone else then saying that he was still thinking about the food and breast combination (an hor d'oeuvre had gone down my shirt :S) but it still is NOT acceptable! Arrrgh! Yesterday, when we pulled up to the theatre the choreographer was stunned to see us together and asked "You two are actually speaking?" You had to witness the horror on people's faces to get the full understanding of the moment. Nibski is usually quite good but he has an evil, shit-disturber part to him that comes out especially after having some scotch.

I'm going to have a Fit

2006-04-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

It's decided: a Fit it will be. A Honda Fit. Originally, I had been hell bent on getting a blue one. Then I saw the blue, even test drove the blue b/c that was the one they had to test drive, and checked it out again tonight with Likalia and have since changed my mind.

I think I'd pretty much already decided that I would be going for the black since to get a blue one in a manual and the Sport model, there was a chance I'd have to wait up to three months. NOT COOL! There is a black sport manual arriving at the dealership by the end of this month. I think I'm just going to have to go for that. Resale value will be better with a black car and chances are I'm going to drive this thing until it totally dies and since it's a Honda, that's going to be a while - I hope! Sure Black is harder to see but doesn't almost everyone have daytime running lights now a days and I always turn my lights on so if people don't see me they're blind. Plus, I was totally turned off by the potential wait time for a blue and that blue was ... well... 'vivid'.

Recovering... slowly

2006-04-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Back to work today. Yippee. I actually took another day off so I had a 4 day weekend and now a 4 day week which isn't that bad. An added bonus on that is the fact that next Friday is Good Friday (4 day week) and that the following Monday is Easter Monday (another 4 day week). That's all good.

Settled with the insurance people yesterday. The money I thought I was getting was 'less the deductible' (doh!) but my rental car reimbursement came out to $20 less than the deductible to I was only $20 out in the end. I should have rented that rental car for longer and I would have made some money! LEARN THAT LESSON EVERYONE! So booo to that. Oh well. Now I wait for the test drive which will happen this week.

I came home to a message from the Honda guy saying that the Fits are in so I can make an appointment to see one. It's like a blind date. All the build up and hype, you do the background research as much as possible but knowing that the information you're getting from your supposedly reliable sources are nothing compared to what your opinion is going to be so you just have to wait to make your own judgment. I'll fill you in once I've driven it.

Maggie's Body Declares Mutiny

2006-03-31T17:30:00.000-08:00

I suppose it had to happen at some point. I've been stressed out for over a month now with all the work stuff and car stuff so my body has quit. I took my first sick day ever. I've been working at this job for coming up 3 years now and this was the first one. I suppose that's a good thing. I really shouldn't have even gone in yesterday but I did.

Took back the evil rental car today. Stupid Toyota Echo... the Yaris is the new model of the Echo so that's not an option for my new car. I think I've settled on the Honda Fit. It's brand new - not even allowed to be sold until April, which is tomorrow. Talked to the dealer dude yesterday and of course he liked it - it's his company but from everything I've read and heard, it's a gonna be good. I was worried that it would be like a Matrix but apparently it's the size of a Yaris so that's happy. Small and sporty is good. Big and station wagony not so much.

I think I totally threw the salesman off with my almost equal knowledge of the car. He started by pointing out the colour options to me. Of course, because I'm a girl, that's all I care about. I stunned him when I cut him off by pointing at the hideous orange colour and said "That colours only available in the Sport model, correct?" His response "you have done you're homework haven't you!" and proceeded to tell me about the engine and the mechanics of the car. Yay! I'm on the appointment list to test drive one as soon as they get them on the lot which should be any day now. I can't wait!!!

Begin Sick Stinks

2006-03-29T18:20:00.000-08:00

It's finally happened. My body has declared a mutany on me and it is now sick. I think it's the stress of everything combined with me not getting sick before when everyone else had that really horrible flu thing. I haven't got a voice and I'm coughing. I'm not stuffed but have the biggest head ache ever. It's kinda hard to teach when you can't talk. It's kinda hard to sing when you can't talk as well.

Got some pics of Emma's final state to share. I have decided to take the claim money and put a down payment on a new car. Not a new to me car but an actually new car. Suggestions welcome.

CSI isn't real life? No way!?

2006-03-26T00:31:00.000-08:00

This was the oddest day yet. Call came from the appraiser today saying that there were a lot of personal belonging in the car and that in the seats actually were there. Called the towing company who has Emma and he said the same thing and that the engine and battery were still there. Battery is usually the first thing they take if they're screwing around under the hood so he thought it was a good sign that that hadn't happened.

Dad and I drove down in the afternoon after an intense paddling session (I feel like a beginner again - we were learning how to 'really' paddle) and lunch on the run. I was so stoked about the stuff possibly being there that I really was on a high.

Got there and yup - my stuff and Rashy's stuff was strewn throughout the car - but no seats, wheels or stereo. They left all the speakers (attempted the door speakers then gave up), rummaged through out belongings and from what I can figure - they ended up taking the camera, the pickle from Rashy's lunch, the Guinness (drank the wine and left the bottle and all the empties), Rashy's backpack with rainjacket and Nalgene bottle, my work keys, sunglasses and prescription glasses. I'm really not impressed at all.

I was a little ticked that the RCMP didn't even attempt to finger print and that they had reported that none of my belonging were in the car. Since that was such an obvious mistake I wanted to ask them again if they could try to finger print.
Mistake #1: thinking that they would be helpful.
Mistake #2: asking a question about procedures
Mistake #3: thinking that I had a right to know

We drove to the RCMP Detachment and I asked if there had been any pictures taken.
(not exact quotes but pretty darn close)
"No."
"umm.... why?"
"Do you have any training as an RCMP officer?"
"No."
"We don't take pictures of recovered vehicles."
"I was wondering b/c there were obviously some mistakes made in this report and I thought if there were some pictures I could see something about how it was found." (giving me some indication of the condition of the undercarriage)
"I'll check you're file" (which means, I'll read exactly what the file says and not help you)
I'm crying by this point - that 'I'm not going to blubber in front of you but you're making me really upset and frustrated here - tear down the cheek cry)
File is read to me.
I ask about the apparently wet car b/c there was a lot of dry stuff and that was the reason i was told they couldn't ID b/c it was wet.
"We don't fingerprint stolen cars b/c it is too hard to get prints of high traffic areas like gear shifts."
Asked again about pictures thinking that my theory of the closed driver side door which was the reason for the unwet stuff could then be proven.
"We don't take picture."
I pause - try and breathe. "I'm not trying to be confrontational, I was just asking a question."
"But you are being confrontational. The officer that wrote this file is very competent and you are trying to say that they are not."
I leave - get in car and cry.

Driving home the cell rings. Its the officer I spoke to 30 minutes before... she says that the info she'd given me about the officer who wrote my report was incorrect - they would not be back tomorrow as they are on holiday. I told her that what she had said to me before really upset me. She asked if I understood that what real police officers do is different that what I'd see on TV shows like CSI. I said of course I knew that and that I was only asking b/c I'm unfamiliar with how these things are done not having ever experienced it before. (it took some time to get that out since I was bawling again... she couldn't say anything and neither could I. She asked if there was anyone with me and if she could speak with them. Dad took the phone and spoke to her. I got it back and she apologized to me. I said that she'd made me feel like the criminal for asking questions and she said she takes full responsibility for that and that she shouldn't have done that since I have gone through a lot. Blah blah blah.

Question: If a victim is asking questions in a polite manner yet obviously upset (crying) but not yelling, cursing etc... are police officers trained to still treat the person as if they were an idiot and make them feel worse? I'm hoping that the answer is no. And to think I thought seriously for a while about becoming a member of the RCMP.

Emma's Been Found

2006-03-23T18:34:00.000-08:00

Likalia was right. Bad things do happen in threes.

I got the call at work on Thursday that Emma had been found on a dirt road in the middle of no where missing her wheels, seats, stereo and all my stuff (even Rashy's camera). Now I have to deal with the idiotic insurance man who's been talking down to me ever since day one. BAH! It's not looking good at this point. They haven't assessed her yet and apparently won't even start her engine to see if she runs because she "was in the hands of thieves for over two weeks and who knows how they drove" her. I interrupted him with "no.. it hasn't even been a week yet" but apparently that just made him even more condescending. Jerk.

So Rashy's accident was the first thing. Emma's disappearance was the second and now Bjorn (Nibski's Volvo) is on the way out. Rashy's got a rental, Nibski got one yesterday and I'm getting one tomorrow. *Sigh*

On a happier note - I took a group of kids out Dragon Boating in the pouring rain today and they totally loved it! They were thrilled to be getting wet just standing in the parking lot getting their paddles and life jackets. Going on the boat was a bonus apparently so yay for that. Some even asked if we had a team at school - sounds like they'd actually like to do this more often which is neat especially since it was coming from some usually really meek kids who aren't involved in sports in any way at school or in the community. This may be something they'd enjoy. One said "This is a sport where you don't have to run. I like that!" I thought that was perfectly stated.

Officially Angry!

2006-03-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

Fine - steal my car, my personal belonging but do not, I repeat DO NOT prevent me from doing my job. My work keys were in the car. I got a new set of keys and the for-once-in-a-lifetime efficient school board has rekeyed the school for fear that my keys were marked in some way that would ID where they were from. Well - they weren't and I told them that but apparently, that wasn't good enough. I'm really hoping that I'm just being a complete idiot and they didn't rekey the entire school because now these bastards have not only screwed up my life but have made things really messed for all my co-workers and my employer. I'm so PLEASED right now. SO PLEASED!

Not only is a pain in the ass that I have report cards to do over the spring break but now I can't even get them done! I've been working and working at home, marking and writing out comments so I just have to cut and paste them into the grading program but now I can't complete the most important part (actually entering the marks and comments) because I can't get into the school to do the job! Report Cards are due tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. and that sure isn't happening. I am soooooo pleased night now. SO PLEASED!

If you didn't sense the sarcasm - why are you allowed to breathe the same air I am?

Mocha and Sympathy

2006-03-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

First a HUGE thank you to Tweek and Weasel for their pictures of Emma. Tweek actually had taken a picture of her so I'm happy to have that now. The paddling crew was very sympathetic. Some of them had had vehicles stolen and we commiserated together. The RCMP officer on our boat told me a recent story of a man who got his car back with new detailing done so it was in better condition that when he lost it! Chances of that for me - slim to none.

My boss called this morning as well, which was quite nice. "Sounds like you've been having a couple of weeks of hell! Maybe you should just throw yourself in front of a bus now and get it over with." To which I laughed of course because it's true - what else can go wrong? I know that's a scary question. Likalia is convinced that bad things happen in threes and since Rashy's truck was t-boned a couple of weeks ago and now Emma's been stolen she's just waiting for the final event of doom. Ever the optimist my friends.

Emma Carr: now missing for 29 hours

2006-03-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

It's weird now - the whole 'not having a car' thing since it hits me at the strangest times. Those time being the ones when I'm not actually in a car but instead sitting somewhere with friends discussing things that have nothing to do with vehicles of any kind.

Tonight - being St. Patrick's Day - Rashy, Yipper, Likalia and I went to a local pub. We sat around drinking and having girly talk time and then at one point Rashy asked me what I was thinking about since I had just kinda stopped being a part of the conversation. I didn't want to tell her the truth so I didn't and in fact, I never did have to tell her what I had been thinking about which was of course about Emma and other things related to her because someone came up to the table and started talking to her. Yay for random interruptions!

My tongue is green. I've never had green beer before but it was mighty fine. Even on our vacation I didn't have this extent of a buzz. Meh - it would have been lost on the company anyway.

Found out that I have full coverage with my insurance so that's all good in a twisted sorta way. I spent my day waiting for the phone to ring, text messaging with people about the car and my state of mind and avoiding the piles of work I'm suppose to be doing before work begins again on Monday. Call me crazy but I think there are more pressing issues in my mind right now than marking some kids practice record or adjudication form from a festival he didn't care about! Okay, you're right - I'm crazy either way - but that's why you love me, yes?

Missing: one red Emma car

2006-03-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

It's spring break and I was returning from a lovely mini holiday to Salt Spring Island with friends. We had a great time with all the hiking, boating, reading, board gaming and as usual - plenty of eating! Rashy and I had just dropped Nibski at his mom's and were doing a little shopping in the mall before returning home. We were in the mall for about 1h15min when we returned to the now empty parking spot where Emma had last been seen.

Emma is gone. Emma contained all our stuff from the last few days including a 1/4 bottle of wine, 5 Guinness, Super and Regular Scrabble, the official scrabble dictionary, my basically new lifejacket, my wear-everyday-clogs, Rashy's books, my new book (i never buy fiction but I had while away and had read a fair bit!), and as I just discovered, my work keys were also in the car. Yup... the list goes on and on and on - not including, of course, the stereo, cds, cd changer etc. etc.

Maggie is not amused.

We called the police and filed a report. They recommended we call all the pawn shops so they'd have a flag on some stuff if it were to show. (I described Rashy's camera - they said they wouldn't take it anyway because it takes film! HA!) I called the ferries so they'd have the description. They faxed it to all the terminals which was nice. I contacted the insurance people. We got to ride in a police car to Nibski's mom's house and waited there until my mom picked us up and drove us home...

What's irritating is all the stupid crap that was in there that is totally replaceable but still - now i have to replace it.. or not.. and I have to go to work tomorrow and finish report cards which are due Monday morning (some spring break I've getting).

I just realized... I never took a picture of Emma. That's sad.

Hello. My name is Maggie, and I have a problem

2006-03-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

Yes... I am an addict. A wildberry licorice addict. Not the nibs or the regular sized licorice but those big fatty ones that have a bunch of holes running the length of them so if you were to say... have a drink of Pepsi you could use it as a really big straw.

I am so much of an addict, I just drove to the corner store during a commercial to get some because I knew that nothing else would quench that craving.

Thankfully, I'm not a smoker.

Story time cometh

2006-03-08T22:47:00.000-08:00

Oh, the many stories from the adventures of the past 3 days. They will be presented to you....all in due time. Right now, I must go to bed; however, the fact that I just ate a bunch of potato chips at this late hour is not really going to help that whole needing to sleep thing. Totally uncharacteristic of me as well to chow down at night like that. I'll be paying for that mistake for many a future... distant future.... work out.

Stay tuned.

The Trek Begins

2006-03-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

I leave tomorrow morning with my other little darlings for another trip; this time it's a two nighter which will really be a one nighter and an all nighter. I'm starting to worry about things like falling off the side of the mountain as we make our trek through the heart of the Rockies and then I think, I cannot control any of that so why the hell should I even think about it. I cannot control nature. I must repeat that over and over again - I cannot control nature.

I checked the Weather Network and the roads are clear. I checked the forecast - only a slight chance of a shower. I rechecked all our reservations, packed multiple pairs of mittens and scarves, bought breakfast bars for kids who can't afford food (there are a couple who I will be paying for the whole time - such is the way in my 'hood), packed another sweater just in case and the list goes on.

At this rate, I don't need to be a parent. I'm already a freak as it is - why go through the pain and agony of having my own children when I'm already insanely worried about other people's children?

Mark this day down in the history books

2006-03-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

*deeeeeep breath* Brace yourselves... this is big news.

Today... I got a cell phone. I KNOW! ME! I have joined the rest of the lemmings and have a cell phone. It was going to happen before the summer anyway and this was a perfect time to get that done and to help out a friend in need who had been saddled with an extra cell phone after a very bad break up.

It's tiny. It doesn't flip. It's silvery-grey. It's a Motorola C370 that I will make do with for now. Considering how often I actually would be using it I'm sure it'll serve my purposes just fine. Transferring info was a bitch. We were in a pub on his cell and the loser on the other end woold not speak clearly. It was if he had a baby sleeping on his shoulder he didn't want to disturb. We were an hour past closing time when I finally got off the phone with him. The waitress was wondering what the hell was happening. She thought I was 'having a moment' because I was all hunched over while the others were talking and laughing. She soon caught on that they were waiting for me while Rashy kept saying "How long can this take!?" at the most inopportune times so I would have to get the little dude to repeat what he'd mumbled yet again which delayed the departure yet again. I didn't get to ask the little man about changing phones (this is on a contract) or changing the number or anything. I'll have to wait. *Sigh* We'll see if I can handle the pressure.

Low moral/bitch fest

2006-03-01T22:31:00.000-08:00

I'll start with a disclaimer... I just got back from an overnight band trip that was followed immediately by a 2.5 hour choir rehearsal with a clinician who wanted us to be 'free' therefore move our bodies all over the place while we sing. (you can image how that went over)

I am drained. You should, in theory, come back from a trip like this motivated and energized (not physically of course) and want to do so much more with your group and blah blah blah but not so much right now. There were only 20 of them. One decided the morning of that he didn't want to come. I had to phone him at home to figure out where the hell he was. He had learned the bass drum part for our March - now we were screwed. So I taught a very keen flute. There were three on the trip that I could have totally done without... not musically for two of them but in every other way - not needed at all. It's true that one sour grape will spoil the bunch and in this case was three poor attitudes that just sucked all my energy and made me not want to do anything for them.

Sure - they're young but there is something called RESPECT and SELF CONTROL and just plain SPORTSMANSHIP. I'm sick of hearing "I'm gunna quit" from the same two and then in the next sentence hear "just kidding" with a brush of the hand in the air and a quickly little "I'm only saying j.k. so you think I'm j.k but really I'm serious" smirk which is hard to take time and time and time and time again. My other personal UNfavourite is "Can i get changed now" 20 times.. I'm not kidding 20 f**king times in a row from the same person. Okay - fine. They're not the most attractive sweaters but get a grip!

It is all my fault that I'm feeling so dejected and just not caring and thinking that I'm a terrible teacher and all that because of the comments of the minority. (and the "well, no one's signing up for band next year anyway" is another gooder to hear on a trip.. yes, I did all this planning because it's FUN for ME!... i don't think so). If I were a confident and mature person, I would just let all the negativity roll of my back and not give a rat's ass what happens to the music program at my school but I'm not confident or mature in my teacher skills yet so I do take things to heart, especially when it's my job and basically my passion on the line. If I don't have kids in my classes, I have failed because the message is clear that we don't want to be here so we're choosing not to. You don't have that problem in real subjects. (yes this is a bitch fest - deal with it)

What's the worst part? These kids are talented. There are good. They are musical. They just don't care and I am taking up the slack for them in that department when I guess I need to be hard hearted. If I wasn't a wimp - I would just move but is that gonna happen any day soon? Nope. So until the next millennium when I may move, I'll just sit here and wonder what my potential as a teacher could be if I could spark the kids enough so that they want to play. I don't think I'll get to that point before term ends and they are finished with my class considering that's two classes away.

As the kids would say "Whatever... get over it. Just Kidding...Chill out man."